Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Fundamentals Of Botany, 1916

Dan asks why V is even reading those magazines, and Vanessa heads into a tangent about how they're Olivia's, which just further proves her poor character. Dan's like, "I don't believe that, obviously, and neither do you, so what are you trying to tell me, here?" I like how Dan's just straight-up confused about this and not getting fooled into assuming that his girlfriend is a drug-abusing street whore because of some casual comment or concerted effort to make him think that. There's a first for everything, I guess.

Georgina holds up a marker board on which she's written 1) Not a stupid movie star. 2) New York. 3) History. and motions threateningly toward it. This is like the funniest scene Michelle Trachtenberg has ever done, it's so good. "I was thinking... Don't you think that dating a movie star is going to be kind of hard? I mean, wouldn't you rather be with someone... From New York? Who you... Have history with?" The whole time Georgina is just going haywire on the bed with a mean scary face. Dan's like, I don't even know what's going on or if "Lenny made brownies for your floor again," but could Vanessa fuck off for like five minutes with this weird shit until Serena fixes their family, please? He hangs up, and Georgina yells at Vanessa: "That was just pathetic! Haven't you ever tried to get somebody to dump a celebrity before?" Vanessa's pragmatic, angry, mind-still-blown responds -- "No!" -- is as great as Georgina's response: "That's okay. Plan B. You're familiar with Photoshop, I presume?" Vanessa rolls her eyes, because Georgina is like a bad guy on Scooby-Doo at this point.

Rufus immediately knows from Jenny's reticence at dinner that something is up, but before he can hound his progeny, the Bass der Woodsens walk in. (Awesomely, Lily is ordering Serena to blow off their family lunch and get her ass to work, having pulled such a 180 she can offer exactly the same nagging speech for the KC job as she was against it five seconds ago. Lily is so good at reality that you wonder why she makes it so hard for herself.) Rufus comes over all puppydog the second they spot each other, and they both pretend to be horrified. As usual with these two, it's mesmerizing for reasons science cannot explain.

"I knew I let you kids watch The Parent Trap too many times," Rufus says, and then all four kids gang up on them, passing lines from one to the next like Spoon River, explaining to their parents that they are in love and being stupid. "And it's not Rufus's fault that I made the decision not to go to Brown," Serena says, just to lodge this idea that she's a grownup in everybody's heads just one more time. Jenny does her best ankle-dipping face and asks them sweetly to just sit down, "For us," and then Lily talks about how she loves the "Bolognese" at this place, saying it as weirdly as a van der Woodsen can, the kids all congratulate Serena on her very great, very basic idea -- especially Serena -- and leave their parents feeling awkward.

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Gossip Girl




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