SOHO

Ivy Dickens, for the fourth time in as many days, lands right on her ass outside another skyscraper.

Ivy: "This is gettin' to be a regular occurrence! Better not lose my pep!"

HOSPITAL

Serena: "You there! Nurse who takes HIPAA seriously!"
Nurse: "That's me. Did you want me to step away from my computer, or..."
Serena: "Do you recognize this blurry picture of a woman?"
Nurse: "It was months ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. She swept in here, donated blood, and then disappeared before Chuck Bass awoke. I remember that, because it was a very important moment in my day."

Serena: "Diana Payne, please."
Admin: "She's off doing things."
Serena: "Because I am a stranger who sounds unhinged and I want to tell her something weird and crazy."
Admin: "Well then, stranger. She's going to a salon at Dan Humphrey's loft in Brooklyn tonight, you can accost her there. Do you need the address, or are you familiar with it as a nexus point of post-millennial intellectualism?"
Serena: "I know where it is, but you should probably give me directions if you want me to get there in a timely manner. I have this problem with how to Be Places and..."

EMPIRE

Nate: "Either prove that Serena is Gossip Girl, or shut your stupid mouth up about it. Why is every woman in my life either autistic or crazy? I think it goes back to my mom, who is both."
Lola: "Come to this salon at Daniel Humphrey's house in Brooklyn."
Nate: "That sounds like a generous serving. Of fun!"
Lola: "For real? Nate, do you know what a salon is?"
Nate: "I absolutely do not!"

SALON

Set dressing, admittedly, is spectacular. Amazing pop art pictures of the Queen, a portrait of a dog in a dress, all kinds of remixed Britishnalia, sort of Jenny Humphrey style in its off-kilter coolness. Gives you something to look at, to avoid what's about to happen.

Blair: "Thanks to these creepy people, and to some chef of the moment who will be cheffing it up."
Dan: "We'll be introducing a new topic with each course, in case you thought your brains were capable of independent thought."
Salonistas: "This is such an enjoyable way to spend our time! Tell us what to talk about first! And what we should say!"