Lola: "Why talk about famous authors, when we have a failed one right here?"
Dair: "What are you talking about."
Lola: "Talk about your book, the sequel to Inside!"

Serena slips out to chat with Diana, leaving her phone on the table next to Lola for no reason I can see. My notes:

so Lola steals it and
what is even going on tonight

GGHQ, DUMBO BUREAU

Lola thinks she's videotaping their conversation with Serena's magic phone, but she's actually streaming it to the Gossip Girl site. Oh, I see. She was merely going to record Serena admitting to Diana that she's GG 3.0, and then show it to Nate. How she missed the glaring GOSSIP GIRL UPLINK shortcut she was clicking, or the LIVE STREAMING VIDEO button she clicked thereafter, I will chalk up to eagerness I suppose.

Serena: "We can talk about how I'm Gossip Girl..."
(Lola: "Yes!")
Serena: "...But first I want you to know that I know what you are. Who you are. Where you were the night Blair went shithouse crazy. What you donated while you were there. Who it was transfused into. What his blood type is."

Wait, but then later nobody will know that S is GG, which means somehow whilst this was happening the phone just started transmitting. Maybe it took a second to establish its satellite link or something? I'm not too familiar on how the nonsensical, imaginary technology would work here.

Diana: "Bitch, what are you asking me?"

Everybody picks up their phones at that familiar ping, because -- much like the crown heads of Europe at Blair's wedding -- the literati and glitterati can't help needing to know, immediately, what is going on with Serena van der Woodsen.

Serena: "I know who you are. I know what day Chuck was born, do you? I know where you were that day, do you?"
Diana: "Oh my God this is painful. Yeah, I'm Chuck's mother. Yeah, I'm lying about it. Yeah, I saved his life. Yeah, I fucked his best friend practically in front of him. Anything to make you stop throwing me ellipses like you're Inspector Clouseau."
Lola: "Oh shit. Erase erase erase... Live uplink? The hell?"

Gossip Girl 1.0: "Run Lola Run, because Chuck is lookin' scary."

PANDEMONIUM

Everybody: Flipping out.
Serena & Diane: "Hey guys. Um, what's up?"
Chuck: Smolder.
Diane: "Charles."
Chuck: Smolder.
Diane: "...Okay, fine. Sorry."