Lola leaves, Serena sits there thinking she was actually subtle just now, and then Diana Payne simply walks into Waldorf, up the stairs, and into Serena's salon.
Diana: "Serena! I can't believe I just illegally entered the home... Of the infamous Gossip Girl herself!"
Blair: "So about our plans today..."
Dan: "-- McSweeney's is covering a tree-planting next door in a community garden! Do you know what that means?"
Blair: "...That you're more confused about what McSweeney's is than Nate is about what newspapers are?"
Dan: "No! That I can gleefully stonewall and cockblock you for no reason other than the fact that my father is the worst person alive!"
Blair: "What I don't get is how Rufus made all these sacrifices to put you two through the hell that was Constance/St. Jude's, presumably to give you certain advantages, and then whenever you come close to getting anything you want, he takes out his unhappiness all over you to bring you down again."
Dan: "We're talking about a man who was so threatened by his teenage daughter's artistic success that he kicked her out of the house."
("Poor Little Orphan Jenny looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks but Daddy Warbucks don't grow on trees at least on a tree that grows in Brooklyn."
Never Forget, bitches. XOXO.)
Dan: "I know your cray-cray plan was about our Coming Out to society as a couple, but this way we can come out in two boroughs in the same day."
Blair: "Nobody comes out in Brooklyn except about their provisional bisexuality or the fact they liked the Girls pilot. Get crucial."
Dan: "I stand steadfast for no reason. We will plant a tree, so help me God. We will plant trees like we're the Jews this show has always lacked."
Blair: "You never get a second chance to make a first impression. And I won't appear in our first picture standing in manure like some kind of fuckin' Vanessa Abrams."
Dan: "...Okay, that was a good one."
Blair: "I get that you are still stuck on getting somehow sucked into this world you actually inhabit, just like the past five years, but how about you think about this from my perspective for one second. Last they heard, I was playing Marie Antoinette to Prince Possessive. I'm not going from Hapsburg to Williamsburg in one move."
Dan: "Another good one, but no. I am playing the Humphrey Card: Drawing an utterly random, futile line in the sand just to feel some pathetic sense of control."