Blair: "Well, Waldorf? You wanted it, you hit it, you knew you'd end up paying for it. I guess this is it. Our Waterloo."
Dan: "You think this is the only time I'm going to pull this bullshit? I am just getting started. God, look at what I did to Serena."

Creepy Strangers: "We're just like you!"
Creepy Stranger #1: "He's gay..."
Creepy Stranger #2: "She's stilted..."
Creepy Strangers: "...And we're both incredibly impressed with ourselves!"

It is, shall we say, a generous serving.

Dair: "It's you, you off-putting real-life people! We live in New York, so we give a fuck about you. At least for the next month."
New Yorkers: Are 100 percent adorable.

NOLA/GGHQ

Nate: "Sorry about your failed audition. Kiss kiss."
Lola: "Did you ever wonder who Gossip Girl is?"
Nate: "Listen, the braintrust that is me and my friends have been over this a million times. Many have tried to find out."
Lola: "Tried and failed?"
Nate: "Tried and died."
Lola: "Well, have I got a generous serving of scoop for you."

Diana: "Don't even try to deny it, van der Woodsen. And what's more, I know the real one is after you."
Serena: "OMG, I totally forgot that storyline."
Diana: "But, in grand Diana Payne tradition, surprise! I want to team up with you for reasons that will only ever be semi-clear."

Nate: "Come on. Gossip Girl is always up Serena's ass. It's her main thing."
Lola: "That's what makes it so incredibl... Look, I haven't figured that part out yet, but trust me. Imagine Serena's idea of what constitutes clothing, that's how subtle she was being."

Diana: "You know that I have a history with Gossip Girl..."
Serena: "Meaning you have something to hide."
Diana: "A woman who has truly lived has plenty to hide. You stay Gossip Girl, and we both win."
Serena: "Where's my takeaway? How do we 'both' win?"
Diana: "I mean, because you get to stay Gossip Gi... Are you really this dumb? I always thought it was an act."

Nate: "Stop being a quirky actress and get your shit together."
Lola: "Fine, I'll prove it. And now if you'll excuse me, I have an ass-rape to reschedule."