Gossip Girl
Salon Of The Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
A Generous Serving

"And so I am urged, ever onward, to an existential madness!"

She dashes the cauldron into a thrall's face; cruelly, the witch Serena grinds a single gold-wrapped truffle beneath one well-trod heel. And all the Its and queens and witches she's deposed in her time gather in the ether, to watch and wait and listen.


Lola: "Sorry, did I wake you?"
Nate: "It's nine in the morning! I need rest before my very important job starts around noon!"
Lola: "Right, I keep assuming you're an adult. Listen, you know how I am incredibly judgmental about gossip blogs, even though you own one?"
Nate: "I always thought it was at least partly because I own one. You are Aunt Carol's daughter and the new Vanessa, after all."
Lola: "Well, call me a hypocrite..."
Nate: "-- You are most certainly that."
Lola: "-- Ahem. But I certainly do enjoy the attention of being the new It."
Nate: "Just come over. I have one of those weird morning boners where it's like maybe/maybe not."

Lola: "I cannot! For I have an audition with Lars von Trier today and I need to get a Brazilian. I'm assuming there will be ass-rape, and I really want to sparkle."
Nate: "You should talk to Serena, she's the most Lars von Trier person on this show."
Lola: "She kind of hates me for some reason. It's almost like she tried to engineer me into being the new It Girl, immediately regretted her choice, and now wants to take me out with her witchy goblin powers."
Nate: "Cry me a river, my cousin tried to kill me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to experiment with my body for a while and then get baked before my grown-up job."


Blair: "Allow me to detail my totally cray-cray plan for today."
Dorota: "But first, Lonely Lord Fauntleroy needs his unbelievably fussy breakfast."
Dan: "No homo, but my busy day of doing nothing really needs jams of four fruits to get started."
Blair: "Okay, I'm off to be fine-tuned by an army of tacticians and stylists that rivals that of Panem's Capitol. You should probably take a shower one of these days. You smell like a Williamsburg bad idea."
Dan: "Which is exactly what I am. Pick me up later so I can do whatever you tell me to do and not worry about it."


Lola: "... It's called Dancer In The Dark. It's a grand guignol about a mentally impaired blind girl getting her ass raped for five hours and singing dumb songs about it while it's happening, and everybody pretends it's art."

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Gossip Girl




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