Gossip Girl
Salon Of The Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
A Generous Serving

Diana, scared: "Chuck Bass? Is on a mission? To what, perchance?"
Nate: "Let's just say I've never had much luck reconnecting with family members, and leave it at that."
Diana: "Uh, gotta bounce."

2 FT AWAY

Call: "Jack, it's me. We have to stop Chuck snooping around."
Text: "Diana, it's the real GG. Listen, Serena is holding my site hostage. If you don't get it back for me, I'll tell everybody the secret that made you afraid of me in the first place."

Nice!

AUDITION

Lola: "It is I, Lola Rhodes! Here for my ass rape!"
Casting: "Cancelled."
Lola: "But I am the It!"
Casting: "We here at Breaking The Dogville Theatre Troupe take Gossip Girl very seriously, I'm afraid."
Lola: "That's ... counterintuitive."

LOLA IS A DIVA! Wannabe actress Lola Rhodes told only one other person on this show that "Everybody knows the star's the thing -- real actors don't take direction, some are just better at pretending they do."

Lola: "Um, isn't von Trier's whole thing about abusing women before they get too big for their britches? He should hire me after this, not..."
Casting: "Look, first of all it's descriptive, not prescriptive. To document misogyny and political oppression is not to celebrate it..."
Lola: "Doesn't mean I have to watch it. Art isn't just about confrontation, it's about connection..."
Casting: "...And second of all, stop staring crazily at me with your head cocked like Michael Myers and just get out of here."
Lola: "That is just my face."

GGHQ

Like Ursula the Sea Witch, Serena barely notices herself cramming her face with the anemone-like souls of the damned as she watches the responses roll in across her cauldron -- because as anybody knows, the obsessive creepy commenters on blogs have very important opinions that are always well-reasoned and grammatically free of error -- and with every cry of "Diva!" or "Bitch!" or "So over her!" the youth and the Itness cascade through her: Her ever more lustrous hair, her plumping breasts, her fading crows-feet, the nimbleness of her blogwitch fingers. An eldritch light begins to rise in the cave, like an unseen moon going red; soft booming across the water, coming ever closer.

DUMBO

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Gossip Girl

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