Gossip Girl
Salon Of The Dead

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
A Generous Serving

Creepy Stranger #1: "He's gay..."
Creepy Stranger #2: "She's stilted..."
Creepy Strangers: "...And we're both incredibly impressed with ourselves!"

It is, shall we say, a generous serving.

Dair: "It's you, you off-putting real-life people! We live in New York, so we give a fuck about you. At least for the next month."
New Yorkers: Are 100 percent adorable.


Nate: "Sorry about your failed audition. Kiss kiss."
Lola: "Did you ever wonder who Gossip Girl is?"
Nate: "Listen, the braintrust that is me and my friends have been over this a million times. Many have tried to find out."
Lola: "Tried and failed?"
Nate: "Tried and died."
Lola: "Well, have I got a generous serving of scoop for you."

Diana: "Don't even try to deny it, van der Woodsen. And what's more, I know the real one is after you."
Serena: "OMG, I totally forgot that storyline."
Diana: "But, in grand Diana Payne tradition, surprise! I want to team up with you for reasons that will only ever be semi-clear."

Nate: "Come on. Gossip Girl is always up Serena's ass. It's her main thing."
Lola: "That's what makes it so incredibl... Look, I haven't figured that part out yet, but trust me. Imagine Serena's idea of what constitutes clothing, that's how subtle she was being."

Diana: "You know that I have a history with Gossip Girl..."
Serena: "Meaning you have something to hide."
Diana: "A woman who has truly lived has plenty to hide. You stay Gossip Girl, and we both win."
Serena: "Where's my takeaway? How do we 'both' win?"
Diana: "I mean, because you get to stay Gossip Gi... Are you really this dumb? I always thought it was an act."

Nate: "Stop being a quirky actress and get your shit together."
Lola: "Fine, I'll prove it. And now if you'll excuse me, I have an ass-rape to reschedule."

Diana: "I can make GG 3.0 the most popular website in town!"
Serena: "Look, I'm a woman with values. Maybe you've not heard, but I don't approve of people using Gossip Girl to destroy people. In fact, I was already about to give it back, once I finish using it to destroy my sister-cousin."
Diana: "Meet me at my office after lunch. I'll be the woman having an explosive conversation, in full view, out in the middle of the hallway, right outside Nate's office, where anybody can hear me."

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Gossip Girl




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