IVY DICKENS' DEN O' DICKIN'
Bart: "Fine, I'm divorcing Lily. Where is the 'microfilm'?"
Ivy: "Hang on while I take off all my clothes."
Bart: "Wait, what?"
Ivy: "I am full of surprises today. You're going to have to do better than just divorcing Lily, considering she's gotten divorced more times than she's gotten married."
Blair: "For no reason whatsoever, I am now going to scream at you for a million years and accuse you of sabotage!"
Serena: "You are fucking exhausting."
Blair: "I know, can you help me? You asshole?"
Serena: "No. But here are some platitudes about how you can do anything if you just believe, instead."
Blair: "Thanks, you're the best friend a lunatic could ever want. I especially like the way you are so oblivious that you don't even notice me constantly being truly awful to you in the grip of my medically relevant mood swings."
Dons: "...Actually we love these clothes!"
Sage: "But I thought we were going to fuck everything up here!"
Dons: "Sadly, no. This creepy fashion of the past is the fashion of our creepy future."
Nelly Yuki: "This is so newsworthy!"
Blair: "Even Nelly Yuki has randomly swung over to my side? Everything's comin' up dinner."
Charles: "Nathaniel, I could really use your rent-boy charms right now, for I am super bummed out. So bummed out, in fact, that I have completely lost track of my storyline and am now just wandering around hotel bars instead of stopping Ivy from molesting my father for that 'microfilm.'"
Nathaniel: "Charles, I cannot muster more than a half-hearted dryhump. For you see, I have betrayed you to your father."
Charles: "Nathaniel, tell me from the beginning what has happened. I will sit quietly and listen to you puzzle it out from within your marijuana fog, while elsewhere my storyline in this episode is still going on."
Bart: "Fine, I'll fuck you. But I need that 'microfilm' first."
Ivy: "Oh, we're not actually going to have sex. Just pretend."
Bart: "What is your deal? Why are you like this? What are you even talking about right now?"
Ivy: "I want to take sexy pictures with you that make it look like we fucked, because I'm so unimaginative I think that making a checklist of Lily's husbands and fucking them will embarrass her. You'll be number three, so we're halfway there. Get undressed."
Bart: "You are a fucking idiot. Like anybody would care. Like any of this reflects poorly on Lily in any way. I can't believe you've spent this whole season thinking any of this matters. Give me the 'microfilm' and you have a deal. Because whatever, this whole thing is stupid, but at least I won't have to kill you today."