Chuck: "-- Ivy, don't do this! Don't have sex with my dad!"
Bart: "Too late, we already did. You should see your face right now."
Lily: "Rufus? What the fuck are you doing here? Pull up some floor, I'm having a 'wine picnic' on the floor. Well, it didn't start out on the floor, but..."
Rufus: "Lily, I have some 'microfilm' here for you. Turns out the only thing I love more than hating you is yelling at women and giving them their just desserts."
Ivy: "Oh my God, you guys. This is so weird, you're gonna laugh, but the 'microfilm' is like totally gone. The Envelope is empty."
Bart: "You know that I will actually murder you, right?"
Chuck: "He will. Maybe I will too."
Ivy: "Yeah, all right. Let me think of who might have stolen it. I'm completely irrelevant to everybody else's life on this entire show except for Rufus, so it's gonna be a short list."
Rufus, verbatim: "Since when did you start spiking your chamomile?"
Lily, verbatim: "Oh, it's been a rough day."
These two. I tell ya.
Lily: "So what was it that tipped you off that Ivy was untrustworthy? Was it the way she was dressed at that auction? Because that was some Sage-level bullshit. Or maybe it was the time she impersonated our daughter's sister/cousin and made our son fingerbang her on Queller's desk while hollering Serena's name. Or maybe it was the time she popped out from behind my mother's casket and threw us both out on the street. Or maybe it was the time she let you get an ulcer about money while sitting on infinite funds and wearing leg warmers with shorts. Or the four times she has conspired to steal the Rhodes fortune, or the time she tricked Serena into buying her a house, or the time her boyfriend tried to kill everybody, or the time she dyed her hair and went undercover as my mother's nurse, or the time..."
Rufus: "Did you really never catch on to the fact that I'm into young girls?"
Lily: "The important thing is that we are family. And I am drunk. And we are best friends. And we have eleven children, including a secret one. And you brought me this 'microfilm' and I am drunk, also."