Serena: "I know you're really busy with your life or whatever, but I was wondering if you could focus on me for a minute."
Blair: "We are not friends! Oh my God, we have broken up in every single episode this season, you idiot!"
Serena: "Yeah, but like I'm really sorry this time."
Blair: "You deflowered my boyfriend on the bar at the Campbell Apartment and then set off to murder a man. This latest time, you taped yourself fucking my boyfriend on that exact same bar, and ran off to get your own self killed. At what point..."
Serena: "I said I was sorry, Blair. God! Look, I'm just going to sit here until you forgive me. It's the least I can do. Literally."

Nelly Yuki just wanders the fuck on in there and begins bitching at Blair practically in mid-sentence.

Nelly Yuki: "I am clearly Gossip Girl, and your fashion is for the birds."
Blair: "I believe in myself! And in my weirdly militaristic slut-student fashions!"
Serena: "I feel like this is really about me."

EMPIRE

Ivy: "The way all of you were shitting yourselves at that auction I ruined, I knew there had to be Sudanese documentation of some sort hidden in that painting, just like in that movie Traffic. And guess what, it was! It was a 'microfilm', like we're spies from the '80s over here."
Basses: "We will give you money! We will menace you!"
Ivy: "All I want is to ruin Lily's life, like she tried and failed to do me last year."
Basses: "Is that seriously your motivation for all this? That's ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as your hip-cocked posture in this scene."
Ivy: "Like I have ever made sense. Anyway, whichever one of you helps me ruin Lily gets the 'microfilm'."

ELSEWHERE

Ivy: "I'll see your daddy issues and raise you a crazy, Serena."
William van der Woodsen: "Yes, we are lovers."
Ivy: "If only I had seen this show before, I would know that this is really about you getting Lily back, and you're totally playing me just like I'm playing Rufus."
Wm vdW: "Anybody who would think sleeping with Rufus is the way to win is too stupid for anyone to ever love."

ATELIER

Blair: "Oh my God, what if Nelly Yuki was right? What if I have no idea what I'm doing and this attempt to be cool with the cool kids is the least cool thing?"
Serena: "I told you, this is all about me. Let's make Sage be the Waldorf It Girl, for the seventh episode in a row."
Blair: "Yeah, but didn't her dad dump you for being such an epic whore?"
Serena: "Let's just fake it so it seems like I'm back together with her dad."
Blair: "Yes, then Sage will randomly show up here begging to be my It Girl! It makes total sense!"