Serena: "I will. I will buy you things. Such is the way of the Humphreys and Rhodeses."
Chuck calls for maid service, I guess because of the non-mess his father has made of his empty scary apartment, but maybe it's a code? Because he goes, "On second thought, send all the maids you have!" like he's actually talking about guys with guns.
Bart: "Is it in that safe where you keep things? Because I guess you changed the combo from your mom's birthday, probably to your other mom's birthday. But you have so many of those we could be here all day."
Chuck: "Misplace your Viagra again? Or is this the Sudanese paperwork?"
Bart: "It's not even papers! It's some other form of documentation! Gotcha!"
At this point Ivy just wanders the fuck on in there.
Ivy: "Sorry to interrupt this riveting oedipal showdown, but I think I have what you're looking for. I couldn't help but overhear your entire conversation, thanks to the Lovecraftian chaos that is the acoustics on this show."
Nate tracks down that loan officer guy, who is also the business manager for every single business on this show. Or maybe they're both just running in the park, because that's mainly what Nate is about.
Nate: "You know how people always tell you to bet on yourself? Well, that's what I did, and I just need someone else to bet on me, too."
Boyer: "None of those things are true. People only said that to make you stop smoking pot and go to college. If any of the kids on this show were betting on themselves, they would be in school instead of doing literally everything else they can think of."
Nate: "Well, it's too late for that now. I just can't believe you'd think my newspaper or whatever it is would be a risk, after all that time I've spent driving it repeatedly into bankruptcy and getting bailed out by rapists and madams and leathery men from beyond the grave."
Boyer: "Fine. I'll call your investor and tell him it's time to start blackmailing you."
Nate: "You're so awesome, thanks."
Speaking of people who are constantly being handed amazing opportunities for them to poop on, Blair's latest thing is a pop-up shop for the "B" line that's being cosponsored by Barneys New York.
Serena: "I know you're really busy with your life or whatever, but I was wondering if you could focus on me for a minute."