BACK IN BED
Serena: "Whoo! Good thing we're oblivious to the misery of literally everyone else on this show, even though we were party to it. I'm a lot happier being here back in bed with you, having apologized eleven times to people who don't really deserve it."
Dan: "I'm just happy Nate and Chuck aren't mad at me anymore. Or my dad."
Serena: "Oh, do they count? Because they weren't even mad at me. How funny, we started this relationship thinking everybody was mad at both of us, but really I had just been dumped and my best friend is a volatile hag. Really the only person everybody is mad at is you, and for totally valid reasons."
Dan: "Go get me some champagne and try not to think too hard about reasons everybody including you should hate me forever and ever."
Georgina: "Dan, why do you keep disappearing on me?"
Dan: "I am writing the Serena chapter. Maybe for real and I am even worse than has been made previously clear, or maybe I'm just saying that and we're really back together. Maybe both, and when they publish the Serena chapter it'll hurt her even worse and I can act like that's weird, like I've been doing literally all season."
And so that's our status quo: Ivy is out of town at the moment, Nate and Chuck are at odds and Nate is still under Bart's thumb, Lily maybe finally broke Chuck forever, and Dan may or may not be playing Serena. All I know is, if Lily goes back to Rufus it would be better for Ivy to engineer her death.
Thanksgiving, the traditional day of thanks, comes to the UES weeks late and a dollar short, as Dan and Serena decide to bring all these people who hate each other together for pie, recriminations, shocks, face punching, and maybe some Imogen Heap? Is that still a thing on this show?
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife and Homeland for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, his novel The Urges, and a novelette, "The Commonplace Book," appeared this fall on Tor.com.