Blair: "Yeah, but didn't her dad dump you for being such an epic whore?"
Serena: "Let's just fake it so it seems like I'm back together with her dad."
Blair: "Yes, then Sage will randomly show up here begging to be my It Girl! It makes total sense!"
DR WM VDW
Ivy: "You know, I played Hedda Gabler in high school, but acting like I'm into Rufus when I'm really in love with you is the hardest role of my life!"
Wm vdW: "Yes, it's very interesting!"
Ivy: "What's interesting is how I'm taking you at your word that both you and Lola hate Lily as much as I do, which is why she's bankrolling this operation."
"This bizarre operation where I 1) pretend to be poor and 2) open an art gallery with Rufus -- insert cheap 'waffle' joke -- just in case months later I 3) pissed Lily off enough to 4) auction a painting 5) containing secret documents that 6) none of us knew about."
Wm vdW: "The important thing is that Bart and Chuck will now fight to see who can destroy Lily more, even though they're the only two people that even like her on this show, and they hate everybody else. What could go wrong?"
Ivy: "Cool. Now, let's go make out in public where anybody can see us, on this show that is about all of us being under constant surveillance."
Wm vdW: "We are very good at secret plans that don't make any sense."
At what point do you just have to call it and say, "Ivy is officially the most pathetic person on this show"? And who's going to notify Vanessa Abrams?
Lily: "Just sittin' here getting drunk in all of my jewelry, how 'bout you?"
Bart: "I wanted to tell you all about this 'microfilm' right now. Yeah, apparently it's 'microfilm' that was in the Tightly Clutched Envelope."
Lily: "And now Ivy has it? That's some bullshit. What does she want?"
Bart: "To fuck you over."
Lily: "Good think Charles loves me more than anyone else on earth, or we'd really be in trouble."
Bart: "Are you sure?"
Lily: "Yeah. Somewhat more dubiously, maybe I should call Rufus and ask him to steal the 'microfilm' from Ivy."
Bart: "Yeah, that sounds like a smart plan you should definitely try."
Nate: "Come on. We all know you'd never hurt Lily."
Chuck: "Lily has sporked me in outrageous fashion every episode this season. Maybe there's a way to fuck her over that is not actually fucking her over, but at this point, she'll probably find a way to dick that up too."