Dan: "You know how I'm generally useless? Well, I didn't find any 'microfilm' in the loft. And then I saw it sticking out of Ivy's purse, and I just kind of let that slide and wandered back over here to Manhattan. On the other hand, things are going great with my dad!"
Chuck: "I'm glad to hear it, Daniel. Good thing you are not actually integral to my plan at all, and I'll be meeting Ivy at Blair's pop-up fashion shoppe consponsored by Barneys New York tonight, where she will give me the 'microfilm' to plant on Lily's person."
Dan: "Will Lily even be there? And would you ever do that?"
Chuck: "Absolutely not, I love that lady. Thanks for all your help, though. It completely rules out the 99 totally awful things you have done so far this season."
Dan: "Even though the latest in my lifelong series of love letters to you disguised as thinly veiled roman à clef was actually intended to ruin your relationship with Blair?"
Chuck: "Nothing you do matters. You are a poor person. Thanks for trying and failing to help, though."
WM VDW SUITE
Ivy: "Bart, you're calling too late. I have already struck a deal with your nemesis!"
Bart: "I know all about it, Ivy. I have an informant. And in fact, the whole reason he made you schlep all the way to the Empire and back to DUMBO again was so Dan would have time to search the loft."
Ivy: "What is the world coming to when you can't even trust Chuck Bass to calmly accept being extorted for nonsensical reasons? And who is your informant!?"
Nate: "It's me, Nathaniel Archibald? I think we dated, possibly."
Look, can I just take a minute to point out that literally none of this would be happening if Bart Bass hadn't once seen fit to commission an oil painting of a horse that he later murdered? I just want you to think about that. I cannot make heads or tails of this Ivy/Lola/William plan, or even who is involved or what they thought would happen.
I want to say maybe Lola is not even involved, except we have seen Ivy talking to her in vague terms about this mysterious agenda they have, so now you have three people who want to take down Lily: Ivy for risible but just-barely okay reasons, Lola for vague Humphrey reasons of hating the UES, and William who presumably just wants Lily to be his wife again and there is nobody left to inject with pretend cancer. None of these are great reasons, but it gives everybody something to focus on. Fine.