Vanessa is all, "You're welcome, I guess?" And Blair is like, "This transaction is finished, and I'm free to return to disliking you." Not for a blink of an eye amount of time can I imagine liking this girl. V's like, "[Something dumb Jenny Humphrey would say, in the snotty voice Jenny Humphrey would say it in, and where the hell has Jenny Humphrey been lately anyway?]," and follows that up with a nonsensical Jenny Humphrey joke about how she used the money from Chuck to start a medical fund for teenage herpes or something, whatever, it's dumb, you're in DUMBO with a quasi-Humphrey, go home and take a shower in the part of the city where conversations make sense and are enjoyable. And while I'm handing out advice, try this simple plan which will solve all of your problems.
1. Call Nate and tell him to meet you Chez Waldorf.
2. Call Chuck and tell him to meet you Chez Waldorf.
3. Drink three bottles of wine with Nate and Chuck.
4. Puckishly place one bottle in the middle of your bedroom floor.
5. Lazily spin it, as though you are in a daydream, and watch it slowly wind down.
6. When one of them reacts, say, "Guys, I've got this awesome idea."
7. Time will pass.
8. Now all of your problems are solved, and you have utterly won at life.
Dan and Serena talk about how Serena just got out of there with 25 hours of Community Outreach, on the committee of which she just happens to be. Dan goes for about ten minutes on this intensely douchey "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you" spree about how felicitous that non-punishment punishment was, whistling with like his finger on the side of the nose, and she tells him to stop it like a hundred times, because there is not a double standard. "You don't buy what she said about me being the poster child for the new honor code? Look, I know for a fact my mom didn't plead my case or donate anything, okay?" He continues to jackass around about how he's not saying a thing, no sirree bob, as though this has anything to do with him or his lot in life, in any way. I want to watch old episodes of, like, Dynasty with Dan some time when he's good and drunk so I can watch him point at the screen and be all, "See those rich people? My girlfriend's a bitch." That's literally how much sense this crap makes when he does it. Anyway, a Town Car arrives to pick Serena up, which is an offense to Dan on such a level you might think it was parked on his body, and Serena's like, "Fuck it, I'm walking," and they laugh and are adorable, but why create weirdness where no weirdness exists? As like your mission in life? He calls after her and then, with a hilariously charming grin, offhandedly asks if they'll take him to Brooklyn.