"So we all know how this works," Blair says on the steps, and Chuck nods: "No one talks, no one gets into trouble." Nate wonders innocently who it was, and Chuck's like, "Whatever and chill out." Blair calls for a unanimous vow of silence, and Serena's the first one to speak up amongst the garden of hardboiled nods. Dan, of course, class-warfares her about how even though she's a future Yale grad, maybe the Skull and Bones routine is a bit insane. Dan needs to read a book. I swear, every book that ever took place in high school, at some point everybody agrees to keep quiet. And easily three times as much in real life. My God, Dan, my senior year was like a nine-month-long Opus Dei meeting. There's shit I still can't reveal.

"Mmmmmaybe," Blair says, talking slow for the benefit of a Humphrey, "but it works. Every time." Word. Is Dan new to being a person? Everybody takes off in separate, sneaky, Death Eater directions, and Dan whines to Serena about how possibly this has happened before, based on his cunning deductions from how Blair just told him that. She assures him that it's going to be cool, he shits his britches some more, and instead of being like, "You're gearing up to make a big fucking deal out of this, I can see the Abrams-Humphrey lights in your eyes, and I promise you will not live to see Tuesday unless you drop this right now," as she should, Serena promises she'll get him out of this. She points out that not even the newly arrived and strangely militant Ms. Queller is going to expel two-thirds of the junior class, obviously. Then she dumbly thinks it's case closed, and smiles at him. Even Gossip Girl is like, "Let's take bets on how long before Dan fucks it up for everybody."