In the elevator Chez Waldorf, Vanessa busts out her video, which specifically is of Chuck grabbing the mysterious and magical and preposterous key. Which I love so, so much, because it looks like a prop from one of the fifteen movies coming out this spring where an arcane book opens a doorway to another world of unseen wonders and terrifying adventures, and you shouldn't read it and there's even a warning label, but then you totally read it and have adventures. Have you seen the ads for these movies? Magical volumes that make fairy magic happen are like the Jude Law of 2008, they're in everything. And that's what the key looks like, even though the door it opens is to a state-of-the-art Olympic pool at a private school where even the multimedia center enjoys its own high-def entertainment from the future, and that is exactly how I want this show to be. They head inside, Dan wondering WTF with the key Vanessa just had to tell him about, and inside Blair's house they're not exactly chained to the desks. It's the usual drinking and chatting and laughing and mischief, and Dan's got his usual, "Oh hell, people having fun, the bell tolls for thee," and Serena's like, "Let's write some essays! Here's some peyote!" or whatever. Blair explains that they're learning all about this "Ethics" thing people always talk about from some graduate student dude Kati and Iz boned at Le Bilboquet. I love how they were all sitting around before just now, like, trying to figure out how you pronounce that word "ethics," and then decided to go through their little black books and find somebody who could tell them all what that word means.
V tapes B and B tells her to suck it, and then takes Serena aside to explain the obvious, that "Michael Moore" over there is, as usual, just using this non-event and videotaping hijinks to get close to Dan. Serena explains that she actually needs grant money, and is hoping to score with this scintillating footage of Dan's furrowed brow. Blair rolls her eyes hugely and Serena -- knowing that Dan can't afford a laptop here in the twenty-first century -- asks if he brought his "legal pad." She runs off to clear a quiet spot for them to get ethical on some shit, and Dan makes a cute face. Dan and Blair both spot Chuck toying with the key, and Blair grabs it faux-guiltily. She heads upstairs with it just as Nate's getting off the elevator, and Dan crosses to bother Chuck about the stupid key. Without even rising from the fainting couch or even really opening his eyes, Chuck explains once again to Dan how regular basic things work.
"Whatever happened to 'Don't speak until spoken to?' ...Poor little Humphrey Dumpty. Look, let me clarify something for you: regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds. In my world, if I'm suspended or expelled, a wing is donated in the Bass name." Dan's like, "Your world is stupid! I am chock full of integrity!" And Chuck's like, "Great. But one thing it does offer in spades is security. My family can take care of me. What do the Humphreys have to offer? Used Metrocards? Your dad's cassingle?" YES! Yes he did! "And in case you were wondering, you narc, I only took the key from the party to hide it so we didn't all get blamed. Including you." Dan's heart does not grow any sizes at this time.