Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Your Brain In Spain, Or: Pesach Shellshock

Rufus, of course, knows and hates the rich-people art collectors on sight (one of them apparently "put a Monet in his bathroom"), which is ridiculous because he's always sold to rich people, it's how he hooked up with both Bex and Lily in the first place, but whatever. Dan runs down the stairs and sees them, and panics, but Serena appears and says -- I guess coming off that last scene a while back -- that he's with her. Lily's none too happy to see grounded Serena running around the Waldorf apartment, but Serena apologizes immediately and says she was invited, and then invited Dan. Even though they all know that Blair's not there and isn't coming. I don't know, this middle part seems more complicated than it needs to be, just so we'll feel like it's very complicated, or else this is just the one scene where the seams are showing in order to pull off everything else.

Lily says she doesn't want to cause a scene at Eleanor's -- demonstrably untrue, as we'll see -- and they talk about Dan's cater-waiter outfit, which he says is a "classic look," and it's stupid, and then Eleanor yells at him to get the kosher wine and make himself presentable, and Rufus finds this only mildly intriguing, which is also stupid because obviously Dan walks and quacks like a duck and eats duck food like a duck at the duck pond where there are ducks, but then Rufus never figured out about the Nate Archibald bromance either. He and Lily immediately start drinking, which maybe that's just how he deals with his son's secrets.

Jenny is all about playing Monopoly at PRADA -- "I would have invited you to the loft, but the only chef we have there is my dad, and his specialties are waffles and embarrassing me" -- for her date with Wes. Dammit, Jenny. I know you're innocent and whatever, but "Come back to my palace at the Palace, I have it to myself and we can play some hot Monopoly" is so not date behavior. Especially not Monopoly, which takes seven hours to play. Wes is sort of hot, in a dumb-looking kid way, and he can't believe that this boring Monopoly player is the same girl he used to see "hanging out on the steps of the Met," like that's somehow badass. She says people change, but then Chuck comes out, bumping his ho into the walls and stuff, putting that claim to the test. Jenny tries to ignore him, even as he's smarming all over the place.

Bathroom Monet tells Rufus that Williamsburg is "already over," and Rufus huffs and puffs like Brooklyn people always do, and Cyrus gets everybody together for the Seder. Serena tries to apologize to Dan for some reason, I guess for having a life or thoughts independent of him, and he literally goes, "Serena, being Eleanor's bitch boy is about all I can take right now, so I... really don't need your pity."

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Gossip Girl

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