Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Your Brain In Spain, Or: Pesach Shellshock

She complains that Serena's been doing so good since the pilot, which is true, and Serena's like, "But watching my ass constantly has nearly killed me on more than one occasion, and I need to also have fun." Basically, that flipping back and forth between self-hating repentance and all-out Dark Phoenix fever is no good, but she can't find the balance with Lily constantly waiting in the wings to jump out and pronounce her Old Serena at the drop of a cokehead, and Lily assures her she knows she's a good person. Also, she got into Brown. So then they hug and it's very nice, and who really knows how that happened, but whatever. This episode is so fun I don't really want to take it apart and realize how little sense it actually makes.

So Lily changes the subject to Gabriel, and Serena protests for a second about how she's not totally into him, and they giggle because she totally is, and Corinne the cater-waiter pops up out of nowhere and says he's gone, so Lily woggles her eyebrows at Serena and she goes tearing after him. Downstairs, he laughs at her because they're totally not married -- "We were just having fun, doing something crazy," he says, which is fishy I think -- and they decide to date. But just as he's kissing her, Blair comes up running and crying about Nate, and GG is like, "Blair Waldorf is the boner killer of all time, dude."

Chuck tells the knock at the door that he's "not in the mood," and Nate comes in promising he's not either, but they fuck anyway. Later, they're having a drink and Nate asks if he was dumb to think B changed. Chuck says yes, but not like that: "I mean it's stupid for you to want her to be anything other than she is." Truer words. Plus, he explains, Blair really is changing, because after all she could have had his pudgy hairy ass and somehow chose Nate instead. "Now she just needs someone to believe in her," he says, downing his drink afterward, all seven ounces of whiskey, because it was hard to say. "Time for a refill," he says, and Nate offers to get it. But then Nate goes downstairs, and instead of getting drinks he just disappears. Which is sort of rude, but also sort of blunderheadedly Nate, so I doubt Chuck -- very drunk, wiggling around on his bureau -- will really mind.

Lily thanks Dan for being so loving with Serena, and then Rufus comes in having sold a painting to the Bathroom Monet guy. It would seem, however, that he also included free of charge his everloving mind, because he has somehow decided to sell the Gallery. Which will mean no income for him, and no income for the Boho Barista. Somehow, I guess Dan working for a living just broke his brain open and he's decided that money is just pretend, which is pretty bizarre considering he hasn't said a word that didn't involve Dan's tuition in about six episodes, but whatever. Apparently the reason they're so poor is that Rufus's business plan has always involved selling art to "young couples, kids who had no money but loved art," and somewhere along the line this retarded pursuit was tainted by THE EXCHANGE OF CURRENCY FOR GOODS AND SERVICES, and he's just realized that this is the root of all evil. It's also the root of all Yale, you perfect ass.

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Gossip Girl

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