Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Your Brain In Spain, Or: Pesach Shellshock

To their credit, it would seem everyone, including Rufus, knows that this is the most retarded thing he's ever said or done, a lofty accomplishment considering, and all smile in a sort of appalled way. Dan, a little panicked, asks what the eff Rufus plans on doing instead, and he's like, "Who knows?" Lily laughs and takes his hand, because she knows exactly what he's going to be doing: acting like the manwhore everybody always knew he was, and living off dead Bart's millions.

Or at least, that's what should happen, because in real life that's exactly -- not naming names -- what would happen: he'd get a recording studio in the PRADA apartment and make a bunch of records nobody likes, and that would be his "job." Or Lily would reopen CBGB's just for him, like those fantasy birthdays in the FAO Schwarz catalog, and every night would be Open Mic Starring Rufus Night and every night would end with that "everytime you walk away or run away" song, unplugged. But instead, I'm sure she'll create some ghoulish shell corporation and give him six figures a year for pretending he's a real person with a real job, and he'll find out and throw a massive Humphrey Hoedown about it.

B lies on her tummy, head on a pillow in S's lap, complaining that she sold out Nate just to be the next Jackie O. Serena points out that this was a dumb goal anyway, because Blair's clearly more like a Hillary, and B shows a little spark yelling, "Except I'd win!" S laughs, loving that -- and more importantly believing it -- and tells her it will all work out. "Besides, who wants to be on the junior committee for the Whitney anyway?" B scoffs like she even cared about that -- except for the three days when she did, which we're going to be forgetting about now -- because she's more upset about Nate. "I deserve to be alone..." she starts moaning, and then forgets herself, pointing excitedly up at Serena: "And who was that tall snack you were devouring?" S laughs that it's a long story, but Eleanor arrives and summons Blair downstairs. "I was pretty awful to Cyrus this morning. I should go apologize." She slumps away and Serena calls out how happy she is to be home, then snuggles down in Blair's bed and thinks about how very true that is.

"Runaway," from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' new album One-Hit Wonder Our Collective Ass -- notable for not sucking -- plays over the rest of the episode. Chuck comes downstairs to find no Nate, and pours something into the empty glass. Jenny joins him, warily after unloading on him earlier, and he asks how her date went. "Good. Great, actually," she says, and stands there awkwardly. They really haven't had many/any scenes together, have they? Huh. "I never apologized," he starts slowly, "For what happened last year." She looks at him, and he does. "I deeply regret my actions of that night. If you ever do move in here... I'll make sure I'm not around." She looks down, completely unsure as to how she should take this, and he vanishes.

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Gossip Girl

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