Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Your Brain In Spain, Or: Pesach Shellshock

Granderbilt ambushes Blair in the cheap seats and, through a menacing and somewhat enticing advance-and-retreat-and-imply dance that's above even her head, gets her to understand that she needs to talk Nate into attending Yale, in order to get everything she wants. Which at this point is a seat on the Whitney committee, now that she's publicly blown off school for the next year and her brain is now suicidal. Blair speaks on Nate's behalf like six times about how proud he is of getting into Columbia on his own, and how these decisions should be made by Nate himself, and I seem to remember this same exact conversation going on in Season One, only it was Dartmouth the Captain wanted, and Nate wanted to go to USC, but whatever. All of these storylines are sort of built around the idea that Nate will do something interesting -- in the future -- and since I love him no matter what time it is, I don't mind. I'm sure he'll be great one day.

Granderbilt finally gets Blair to understand what he's saying, and tells her he'll clear up the "mistake" with the committee head because Blair's such a good friend. She searches his face and makes the call, grossed out by herself just a little bit but terrified to lose this dream also, and notes that Nate would look "dashing" in Bulldog Blue. Granderbilt stands, done with her weird ass, but she demands also a place in the bridal party. He's startled, but impressed, and sticks out his hand. She stares at it like a mean dog, but finally takes it, and he leads her to the front, to put her on the list.

Eleanor rushes around yelling -- and tossing us a bone -- about how Dorota and Vanya have fallen in love, and now Dorota's all about Dorota, and has the night off. I remember Vanya being crazy hot but that's all I remember and now I wish I'd taken better mental notes. Meanwhile, Serena calls Cyrus, because she needs a lawyer for the mysterious thing she's lying about, and just like he's the only Jewish person in Manhattan, he's also the only lawyer. Which is such a coincidence considering he's also the stepfather of her best friend, and she was an attendant at his wedding, but whatever. Serena keeping a secret is like Vanessa respecting your boundaries, or Eric van der Woodsen tolerating your shenanigans: maybe for a week or two, but then everything's going to explode at once, because it opposes their basic natures. It hurts.

Rufus enters the house of PRADA loaded down with shopping bags like some kind of editorial cartoon about God knows what, and he and Lily almost talk about how shoes are art, but Rufus obliquely whines about Dan's tuition instead, and she asks what's up, and Serena comes in looking hangdog before Lily can pull out her checkbook. She sends Rufus out of the room and he welcomes Serena quietly before going to wherever it is that he considers his place in that giant apartment. He's probably got like a big pillow or blanket on the floor that he can walk around three times and then curl up on.

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Gossip Girl

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