Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Your Brain In Spain, Or: Pesach Shellshock

"S, I'm one of the chosen ones. I was wandering the Bassian desert, and now I've reached the van der Bilt promised land." That's a reach, both for Blair and for the show, but the girl's nuts and she's said dumber stuff, on occasion, so we'll let it go, awkward wording and all. Serena's like, "That's nice but I'm not actually calling to talk to you" and hangs up, which raises no red flags for B, and then B assures her seamstress that Maureen's meant to have six bridesmaids, and raise the hem, and she raises her eyes to God with that scary, scary joy she gets right before the sky goes dark and the frogs start falling.

You know what's an even more adorable and annoying tic than Dan Humphrey's nervous word-vomit habit? The fact that the writers feel the need to point it out every time it happens. The first time it came up -- at the VITAMIN WATER VITAMIN WATER VITAMIN WATER -- it worked, because we were just learning about how Dan is sort of awesome sometimes, he doesn't take himself that seriously, he has a cute thing he does, look how cute, and also coalesces a thing viewers and writers have noticed, looking back, which makes us feel like we knew something about the character we didn't even know until they pointed it out, which makes us feel smart and affectionate toward him. Basic writing trick. But point it out every successive time -- especially by having other characters remark on it, which makes it entirely a writer thing and not a Dan thing at all -- and it just slides on over to the other side of the list.

So he does that thing, and it's adorable, and the cater-waiter girl he's working with points it out, also in an adorable way -- "Are you gonna do this nervous talking thing all night? It's cool. I just need to know" -- and it becomes nails on a chalkboard. They get out of the van as he's wondering about his tray-balancing skills and learning curve, and then he's explaining about his horrible father, and whatever. He looks up at the building mid-babble and realizes they're outside of Blair's building, and hysterically shits himself. Of course, Eleanor shows up and unselfconsciously complains to him about the lighting situation before vaguely sort of recognizing him.

Later, after they've renewed their acquaintance and Dan's begged her to let him blow this assignment off, Eleanor tells him he's stuck. "Dorota has the weekend off, and I absolutely need two servers." (Which is interesting, because notice how easy it was for Dan Humphrey of all people to jump to the "Why can't Dorota do it?" place.) "Cyrus's mother's coming, and she hates me. I have never thrown a Seder before, I don't even know how to say half the words in this ... prayer book that's named for Lieberman's wife." Awkward, but funny, and allows Dan to explain (Hadassah/Haggadah), which allows Eleanor to point at him and say that's proof that she needs him. It's a nice little comedic domino effect, but it starts in an awkwardly worded place and I don't know how you could clean that up.

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Gossip Girl

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