Raina: "I can tell from your rapey look that you are Uncle Jack."
Jack: "It is my deal that I sleep with everybody my nephew has ever slept with -- which, just think about that for one second if you want to creep way out -- so let's go somewhere and do this thing."
Raina: "No, but you need to help me find proof that Bart exploded my mom."
Raina: "Because inevitably, this will somehow result in you getting control of Bass Industries."
Nate, appearing: "Are you guys talking about the disposition of Bass Industries? Awesome! There is nothing more fascinating than conversations about that. Feel free to monopolize the conversation about it."
Jack, brightening: "Now I can sleep with two people my nephew has fucked. This is going to be a really rewarding trip. Get over here, you guys."
Charlie: "Hey Rufus! I'm the only character on this show desperate enough to pretend to be interested in your new hipster job."
Rufus: "Hey Peepers! I'm the only character lonely and nosy enough to ask if you're taking your meds. So I bought them and brought them here and I want to watch you swallow them."
Charlie: "You are not my supervisor!"
Rufus: "I kind of am. Do you not remember what happened last time?"
Charlie: "Bits and pieces. Flashes. Cut-up faces. Screaming in a thunderstorm. Mud under my fingernails. Snakes twining around trees. Pushed a guy in a ravine. I listened to the Sundays a lot that semester."
Rufus: "Sure. Anyway, please don't stop taking your meds and kill any of my kids."
Charlie: "Not even Jenny?"
Rufus: "That name is unfamiliar to me. Now eat these pills."
THE FRENCH NEGATION
Princess Sophie: "New York sucks. The weather sucks. The sky sucks. The angular architecture sucks. Back at Gormenghast everything is curvy."
Blair: "Let's look at more sucky New York things until you spontaneously love me."
Louis: "Mom, please stop being awful."
Blair: "Princess Sophie, I'm sorry Chuck got weird at Princessapalooza. And also all of my other friends. And that I'm generally a mess. I promise to be better from now on."
Princess Sophie: "Sure, why not. I can't wait to piss all over your family's engagement party tonight."
Blair: "If you'll excuse me, I see Chuck's uncle standing over there and I have to run immediately to Chuck and act all suspicious."
Princess Sophie: "That girl is like a dog with a bone. Listen, now that she's left us alone for five seconds, I need to tell you that I'm having her followed and that she went to see Chuck last night and he broke a window."
Gossip Girl, verbatim: "Let's hope the only thing B has in common with Marie Antoinette is impeccable taste, or she just might lose her head before she gets her crown..."
Serena: "Too bad you'll miss the Constance Billard fundraiser since Lily's 'upstairs' these days."
Charlie: "Oh, I'm going with Dan. I hope that's okay."
Serena: "Whatever, I hate Dan."
Charlie: "Cool. Can I borrow a dress? And your perfume? And cut your hair off while you are sleeping and fashion it into a wig that I can wear over my own hair?"
Serena: "Why don't you have money? Let's call CeCe and get her to give you some money just to spite your mom. Trust me, it is her favorite thing."
Charlie, verbatim: "You're like my fairy godcousin!"