Gossip Girl
Shattered Bass

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A
French Negation, Or: The Jack/Russell Terreur


Chuck: "Blair, I'm so glad you didn't let a little thing like me chasing you through the halls with a sledgehammer keep you from realizing that we are meant to be together."
Blair: "Don't be gross. I'm not going to let you hit me, I'm just here to tell you Uncle Jack is in town."
Chuck: "Frankly I'm more upset about your engagement."
Blair: "Gross, Chuck. Only one of those things is real. Focus."


Russell: "I hope leaving town for the sixth time in as many episodes tells you that I'm serious now that I'm back in town."
Jack: "Raina, Nate and I have a big dumb plan. Let me tell you what it is."
Russell: "My estranged daughter, her gay pet raccoon, and a weirdo I've barely met before have a plan? I am in."
Jack, verbatim: "My nephew is at the edge of a cliff, again. Nothing turns him upside down like losing Blair Waldorf. All he needs is a push, and I'll have the men in lab coats waiting to catch him when he falls."
Russell: "Okay. Just one thing. There's a very important clue that changes everything and Chuck doesn't even know that he has it. Since we're such good friends suddenly, asking for that isn't going to set any wheels turning, is it?"
Jack: "No, of course not. I will make sure you have a key to his vault of mysterious shit back at the Empire Hotel where everybody lives. My interest is unpiqued beyond that."


Charlie: "CeCe gave me so much money! I spent it all on crazy!"
Serena: "Because all I have are White People Problems all the time I can't even tell that you're crazy."
Charlie: "You can see the whites of my eyes all the way around and my pupils are pinpricks in a balloon of crazy, Serena."
Serena: "Whatever. I have to go brush my hair or something."

Pills: "Please take us! We help you discern reality from fantasy! "
Charlie: "...And that's enough of you."
Pills: "Oh no! Not the empty wastebasket in the living room that nobody ever uses! How will anybody ever find us?"

Gossip Girl, verbatim once again: "I don't think that's what the doctor had in mind when he said Use As Directed!"
Gossip Girl: Needs her meds her own damn self.


Penelope: "[Bitchy.]"
Cyrus: "Did you know that Princess Sophie is an avid ornithologist, just like me?"
Eleanor: "[Bitchy.]"
Princess Sophie, entering: "I am unimpressed."
Cyrus: "I am a capering goblin! Hug me! Love me!"
Blair: "Where's Louis? I hope he didn't find out about me constantly visiting Chuck all over the five boroughs."

Eleanor, awesomely and verbatim: "Princess Sophie, welcome to our tasteful and appropriate home."
Princess Sophie: "Nice! I'm glad at least one person understands what a fucking debacle this already is."


Chuck: "Ah, Prince Louis. I have just enough time to be a dick to you."
Louis: "I really wish you wouldn't. Hey, how come Blair is constantly visiting you? And why does your hand look like you put it through a window or her face?"
Chuck: "Because we are in love and she is lying to you."
Louis: "There are levels on which this story makes very little sense."

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Gossip Girl




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