Rufus: "Why are you here and not at Blair's engagement party?"
Serena: "Why are you talking to me like we're friends?"
Rufus: "Look, I know Blair is a heathen monster. But she is your only friend."
Serena: "Your fatherly wisdom has been, like, so lacking. You're right."
Rufus: "She might have trouble saying it, two out of three episodes, but she loves you as much as she loves anybody."
Serena: "Also, she is my only friend."
Serena: "Oh, hey Charlie. I was just coming into your room that used to be my room so I could go through your closets full of my clothes."
Charlie: "How should I wear my hair and do your feet hurt after wearing heels all night and does Dan dance and do you prefer lipstick or lip gloss? I'm totally manic right now!"
Serena: "I've never revved up past like mild interest, so I don't recognize the signs of that either. What I can tell you is that lipstick lasts longer, but gloss is more fun."
Charlie: "What the fuck does that even mean?"
Serena: "Dan loves to dance, but he's terrible at it, so no laughing, and your feet won't hurt as long as you have just the right amount of champagne, which will help you be yourself."
Charlie: "Drinking away your pain helps you be yourself?"
Serena: "As far as I know. It's kinda my whole thing."
Charlie: "What's this picture of you kissing Dan on your nightstand?"
Serena: "That's from Cotillion. It's the one date we ever had where nobody died or got fake cancer or committed suicide or got raped by Chuck. It was magical."
Charlie: "Cool. I'm going to wear this same dress and do my hair just like this and become totally insane now and put lipstick all around my mouth."
Serena: "The look is only complete if you wear a shit-ton of black mascara and then cry it down your face while talking about murder."
Princess Sophie: "While all of that was going on, Cyrus and I have totally hit it off, and now I am going to give you permission to officially come out with your royal engagement at the Constance fundraiser. Also, he is once again royalty because I say so."
Louis, arriving with trepidation: "I have questions."
Princess Sophie: "Why do you have a tiny cut on your cheek?"
Blair, awesomely: "Oh, uh... It's true what they say about diamonds. They cut not only glass, but porcelain as well."
Princess: "Who talks like this?"
Cyrus: "Let us all raise a glass to the newly reinstated prince and princess-to-be. May your lives be as full of love as the skies are of birds!"
Everybody: "Who talks like this?"