Raina: "Dad, don't even try. We have already had this conversation eleven times, where I tell you not to bother me anymore and you sucker me into an endless awful conversation about my stupid dead mom. No longer. I know that you blew her up."
Russell: "No! I didn't!"
Raina, verbatim: "You're as dead to me as my mother is!"
Russell's marbles: Go flying just everywhere.
Serena: "Vanessa, thanks for coming."
Vanessa: "Unless you apologize to me, fuck you."
Serena: "Already this is as fun as I thought it would be."
Vanessa: "Sorry, I'm the worst. It's hard to be me."
Serena: "Charlie framed me like she did you, so now I know you're not a crazy liar."
Vanessa: "I gotta assume it's Blair's fault. Generally girls on this show turn permanently crazy the second Dan kisses them. Think about it."
Serena: "It's Waldorf-level scheming, but Blair's in love with her prince. This was all Charlie."
Rufus: "Wait, you two? Hanging out? I've had this dream."
Serena: "Gross, Rufus."
Vanessa: "Rufus. God, you look good."
Rufus: "I love what you've done with what we're calling your hair."
Serena: "We were just talking about how Cousin Peepers is Blair's black soul in a blonde Serena body and that maybe we're all in trouble and that she is going to kill everybody."
Rufus, holding up the crazy pills: "On a related note, we need to find Cousin Peepers before she kills Dan, the one person all three of us are obsessed with."
Dan: "Being in this school where I was regularly ostracized and beat up, strangely, does not make me feel nostalgic."
Kati & Iz: Cameo! They are missed!
Dan: "Technically, it gets better."
Charlie: "Oh, come on. Did you ever have fun in school?"
Dan: "Not once. I was miserable."
Charlie: "Did you never do anything crazy and out of control? Like make out in a teacher's office or something?"
Dan: "No. Well, there was that one instance where I fucked a teacher a bunch of times, but apparently that doesn't count."
Charlie: "So you never boned a crazy girl in Headmistress Queller's office?"
Dan: "...I like this story. Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me."
Charlie, right when it's getting hot: "Only if you call me Serena."
Dan: "Whoa, what?"
Dan pulls his pants back on with a quickness and gets the fuck on up out of there.