Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Fever Started Long Ago

Chuck and Nate play a little frenemy basketball in clothes only slightly less ridiculous than usual, and Nate acts all weird about talking about Blair, and Chuck's extra fifteen pounds are like this other character in the scene you have to ignore, and Chuck acts slightly pervy about Blair but at only like a two on the Chuck scale, and Nate's all "I am setting a boundary with you" with the straight-across mouth of the truly determined, like he's at a meeting of Vanessa's sister's lesbian collective, and basically forces Chuck to say sixteen different ways and then sign an affidavit attesting to how he's given up the chase. Which immediately causes him to take up the chase, not that he ever left it, but where does Nate get off even having an opinion about Blair and Chuck? That's a totally separate issue, and you're bringing a Gummi Bear to a gunfight anyway if you get involved. Go back to Vanessa!

Not to interrupt the boring tobacco story Gabriel's telling Rufus and Lily ("...And then my grandfather says, 'If it's menthol you want, it's menthol you're gonna get!'), but the background on Gabriel is that he obviously comes from tobacco money, and has taken up a charitable pursuit in order to redeem-slash-piss off his family. Lily understands, and half-heartedly and distractedly notes that "family is so important" -- after all, just look at hers and see what a priority it is! -- and I mean, Gabriel is all fine and good, except the scheme he's putting forth, which may or may not even exist, is to "provide wireless access to the developing world." A concept which has its heart in the right place, I guess, but is so myopic and self-centered and gooshy as to be pretty much totally insulting. "Looking at this picture of Lindsay Lohan with a crude vagina drawn near her face is not only instructive, but distracts me from my malnutrition and total AIDS."

Anyway, the monthly co-op meeting is a gala affair, apparently, and Lily needs really good wine for it ("I asked the caterer for a '99 Brunello, this isn't a PTA meeting!"), and invites Gabriel to attend with Serena. He accepts the invite, because it fits into his evil plan, but there's only so much you can do in service of evil, so when Rufus invites him to take in a movie with them, he totally scampers. Which frankly, it would take way more than evil to induce me to sit through a movie with Rufus Humphrey over there alternately scoffing at and not getting what's going on in the movie.

Serena -- whose hair, I'm sad to report, has calmed down at the moment -- whisper-yells at Gabriel in the foyer for not going to the movie Rufus just decided they should go to, because family is important. Also because if Gabriel is a long-termer, then the whole already-forgotten Spain trip is even more okay, but mostly because Blair told her it was a problem, and now she's got that in her head, and she only has room for like three things in there ("It's just sometimes that my thoughts come so fast that I get confused!") and he dislodges all of them by kissing her and telling her lies, and the second he goes to get his coat Blair texts her all, "Has the BF bailed yet?" Blair is a magical wizard! How did she know? Trust Blair!

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Gossip Girl




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