Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Fever Started Long Ago

"Stop spying on me!" Serena texts back, and we see Blair skulking around outside the Palace waiting for Gabriel's presumed egress so she can follow him around instead of watching slow-motion high school wrestling with Nate on ESPN3. There's a really wonderful moment where Chuck's limo sliiiiides up in that way it has and she balks, then literally tries to will herself invisible standing in the middle of the sidewalk, so that when he calls out her name she's blushing and frowny-smiling like, "You caught me." He asks on whom -- given that she's wearing her beret -- they are spying, which is also adorable, and then the swoon kind of got me, because if I'm this relieved to see them talking to each other, I can't even imagine how they feel.

Chuck says he's not really turned on by Gabriel either, and immediately points out that this is all trumped-up suspicion based on her getting the fuck away from boring old Nate, and she stares all angry as though she's never manufactured one jot or tittle of drama in her whole life and is not in fact all drama's country of origin with rich drama resources to export. She fake-yells about how she's really just concerned about Serena, which is also true -- and keys into the whole weird thing about Blair, which is that even if she's lying and even if she knows she's lying, it always turns out to be true -- and tells him to scoot. "And besides, it's good for couples to have different interests," she says, because I guess Nate isn't into spying and invading people's privacy, which makes me wonder just what he and Vanessa had to talk about.

Blair spots Gabriel and shoves Chuck back behind the limo, and he drinks in the proximity of her, and then they note Gabriel getting climbed all over by Poppy. They are canoodly! Blair takes a picture with her phone and the evil couple drives away! "And when a queen discovers her best maiden is with a dragon in disguise, the only thing to do is pull up the drawbridge and trap him... Metaphorically, of course." Sometimes I think that Gossip Girl has shit for brains. Metaphorically, of course.

Next morning Blair is drinking coffee, which is fueling her craziness, which is telling Serena to dump that bastard, and Serena is brushing her hair or looking at dresses or whatever she does all the time, and has completely checked out to the point that she's like struggling to comprehend why the photo evidence of her boyfriend kissing the girl she stole him from is even a problem. She deflects and tells Blair to deal with her own shit and let Serena be Serena, and then Gabe comes into the room out of nowhere to tell her more lies and weave some more of his uncomplicated magic. Serena needs more connectivity in the undeveloped country of her brain, I don't understand the equivocating here at all except to relate my friend Karen's insight that being the BFF of everybody on earth, which is like Serena's main ambition as long as she doesn't have to actively do anything, leaves you open to brigands and their ways.

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Gossip Girl

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