Because You're Worth It
Blair awakes in a sweat, choking on fear and bulimia! It was all a dream! Push that WASP white guilt down, down, down! This is America! "It wasn't even a funny dream, it was just weird," she grumbles, climbing out of her REI Couture sleeping bag and into some fur-lined Choos. She reflects on how much she's grown in the past few months, and how little she cares for fashion, here in the land of the Midnight Sun.
Who was that spotted trip-trapping over the snow, chewing patiently on the last bit of Nate jerky? Why, our old friend B., asking her Sherpa and professor if they believe art of lasting value and social commentary can really be accomplished with what amounts to a handful of vapid, feral paper dolls. The Sherpa [played by an inebriated Patton Oswalt] simply shrugged, my spies tell me, but the last tenured professor in the world [Enrico Colantoni] apparently went on at length about the subjective quality of entertainment and the etymology of π or some shit. Eventually B. set off into the Antarctic wastes alone, with only his endless droning echoing in her ears. "When I get back," she was heard to murmur, "I'm totally going to get a bestselling ghost-written series out of this." I think she might make it after all.
You know you love me.