Upon Serena's first week at Stanford, her roommate catches a glimpse of Serena's naked body in the mirror of their suite bathroom, and commits suicide out of envy. Serena receives a doctorate on this day, made of pure beaten platinum, with a blank where she can fill in whatever specialty she likes, in addition to full tuition reimbursement, a private jet, and a satellite phone so she can inform Blair of all these wonderful events.
Blair vomits discreetly, but her Sherpa can totally tell.
The mystery of Gossip Girl (Kristen Bell) is revealed when one of our own finally reveals her true identity: Veronica Mars, late of Neptune, CA, now a special investigator for the FBI. The events of the infamous GossipGirl blog are revealed as only coincidentally seeming to be following the events of the Upper East Side's hottest teens; in fact, they are coded messages back to Veronica's handlers with the Initiative. Under duress, Gossip Girl discloses that she was sent to New York when it was discovered where Serena's random suicidal younger brother (Eric van der Woodsen, played by Connor Paolo) actually came from.
Through pictograms and obscure word games, Veronica explains that the ancient Varvatos Order, a secret cabal of fashion monks, incarnated Eric from a mass of mystical energy called the Key, in the hopes that the combined forces of Serena, Blair, and Veronica, along with Mrs. Van der Woodsen's mustache, would protect him from the forces of evil (Eleanor Waldorf, played by Florencia Lozano). In a thrilling denouement far above the streets of Manhattan, Eleanor reveals herself to be posing as mild-mannered medical student Kati Farkas (Nan Zhang), now in her third year at Seattle Grace. Nobody seems to be able to keep it straight, but that could just be starvation talking.