Gossip Girl
Spoilers For The Gossip Girl Series Finale

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Speaking of keeping it straight, who could have predicted Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick)'s sexual reassignment surgery in Season 7? Or that his transformation into Charlene (Rebecca Romijn) would so entrance Vanessa Abrams that she would desert long-term lukewarm lover Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) for a walk on the Sapphic side? Not me, but then, I never really cared for Vanessa.

Left entirely without a left cranial hemisphere after Kati -- Rosencrantz to her Guildenstern -- went off to med school, Isabel Coates (Nicole Fiscella) languishes at Mount Sinai, attempting to remember how to do simple arithmetic. A contingent from the Monday Peer Group -- which, you'll recall, grew from a simple philanthropic résumé booster to a truly terrifying paramilitary organization under the vicious steel fist of Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen) back in Season 5 -- is dispatched to take her off the board, lest it be discovered that a birthmark (long since removed) on her lower back in the shape of the Louis Vuitton logo proves her to be the missing Heir of Wintour, whose control of weather patterns and ability to speak the language of snakeskin jackets, handbags, and ankle boots could be key to Manhattan's total domination.

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N. (Chace Crawford) was seen giving up drugs forever and ever after one scary night during spring break when L. (Kelly Rutherford) and R. (Matthew Settle) came knocking at N.'s parents' door at 3 AM to invite him into their bed. He dismissed them quickly, but I'm told the ensuing doubt and second-guessing were so, quote, trippy that he couldn't even deal. Could that be why he sold off his shares of Monday Peer Group Incorporated and headed to Norway? Or is he hoping to track down B. and help her track down those ancient testicular secrets of weight maintenance? Along the way, let's hope he finds some balls of his own. It could turn out he's really interesting and has valid opinions about things.

Would I lie to you?

In Season Four, as we know, a moratorium was declared on the original production mandate that Blair and Nate attempt to have sex -- only to be interrupted by her parents, Serena, or both -- at least twice in each episode. This did not, however, result in him actually closing the deal. Blair finally loses her virginity to a nameless townie early in the season, although we find out later that he's actually the younger brother of Lord Marcus Beaton-Rhodes (Ian Somerhalder), who hit town in a major way back in Season Three. Their reunion is bittersweet and takes place in the VIP room of somewhere so exclusive we don't even get to find out what it's called, because we would go deaf.

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