Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I Don't Want To Get Over You

Postcoital snuggling of cougar and tadpole, and then a car drives up. "Well, Nathaniel, you have a choice. Under the bed or out the window." Nate takes like ten minutes to understand what she's saying, because apparently the husband was supposed to be gone for the next week, but she just shrugs because it's all part of the game, then tosses him out the window, clothes soon after. He prances around the corner and into the street, where Serena's Camaro almost runs him down. Serena follows Nate's gaze to Catherine, whom she's met, kissing her husband, whom Serena most assuredly has not met; Nate runs off in his boxers and Serena gets pissed. Nobody said we were suddenly banging married chicks, much less implicating Serena in said married-chick-banging. That's advanced, although you'd be stretching to say it's all that out of character for Nate, who pretty much just does whatever old people tell him to do.

In town, shopping: "Damn that motherchucker. Ugh! He's totally right, I don't even like James!" S is like, "Thank you, duh. I've been waiting for that." Blair's wearing a cute flowy summer dress with a floral print of such massive scale Georgia O'Keefe would be proud.

Blair continues to explain the obvious: "I only hooked up with him a week ago because I knew that I couldn't get off the plane alone. And it would kill me if Chuck knew that he'd ruined my summer." Serena realizes that Blair is talking about reality and gets concerned: "Oh, B... I'm so sorry. Was it really bad?" So bad, in fact, you can't even enjoy your cabana at the Hotel du Cap without having visions of him. "Amid all the fireworks on Bastille Day, all I could see was that Chuck Bastard."

Down the street, Nate's trying to persuade Chuck to stay for the Vitamin Water White Party. "Pretty girls, white dresses..." They cross the street as Chuck's saying unless there's a sprinkler, he doesn't care. He also makes the very good point that summer is tourist season in the city, which a boy with a dime could very well turn into sex city. Nate hums noncommittally as though he cares, and Chuck's immediately like, "Okay, and I don't want Blair throwing her callboy in my face."

Meanwhile B's bemoaning the fact that James is additionally a bore: "Do you know how hard it is to find a good fake boyfriend on short notice?" S says -- and why would she lie, and she's not lying, and this is key to the story to come, I think -- "Well, he was smart and fun at tea yesterday. And he's really cute, too." So either B is right and James is a Kleenex dud, or S is right and he's a catch and B can't see it because she's not even looked at him yet. Which do you think it's going to be? "You don't have to lie anymore, Serena. He served his purpose." Serena nods like she cares. "And now that Chuck is on his way back to the city, I can dump James just in time to go to the White Party stag. How was your date, by the way?" Serena says after a few hours it was more like she needed lifesaving, rather than guarding, and B laughs and tells her to take baby steps. I agree. As long as they're away from Dan, I don't care what size of step you're utilizing. Step size is completely at your discretion.

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Gossip Girl

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