Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I Don't Want To Get Over You

Jenny orders VITAMIN WATER at the bar and then Laurel comes up and orders some more VITAMIN WATER at the VITAMIN WATER WHITE PARTY and then they stand there and drink some refreshing VITAMIN WATER WHITE PARTY VITAMIN WATER, and finally Laurel, having had the shit refreshed out of her like only VITAMIN WATER can do, speaks.

("Man, that Vitamin Water was good. Plus all those vitamins, you know, in the water. I have truly had the everloving shit refreshed out of me. I haven't been refreshed like that since grade school.")

"So, Jenny... How did you manage to get in? And in that dress? You know, I checked at the door, and your name's not on the list, and they said you were someone's plus-one. But I told them that someone like you couldn't possibly know anyone here..." Laurel strokes Jenny's palm to lull her into a false sense of security and calm, to which she is susceptible having been so recently refreshed by the Vitamin Water until her eyes crossed, and then slyly pulls out a stainless steel knitting needle, but just as she's readying to stick it right through Jenny's draping hand, Tinsley Mortimer appears.

(That part is not a lie. We both know that I would totally lie and say Tinsley was there even if she wasn't -- with like a basket of four-leaf clovers and a magical hat that grants wishes, because she truly is like a unicorn in person form -- but in this particular case it came out not of my head, but of Gossip Girl's. And yeah, she is dressed crazy, but not that crazy. As a wise man once said, "Taste is a matter of taste.")

"Oh, look. Actually, here's someone I know coming right now," says Jenny, with none of the bitchiness those words suggest on the page. Eric introduces them to Tinsley Mortimer with much excitement w/r/t Jenny and not so much enthusiasm for Laurel. Tinsley and Jenny have a somewhat soul-killingly awkward conversation about this and that, "I have a look book full of pictures of you" and "you're so sweet" and "I used to cut your name into my abdomen with tiny little shallow cuts" and "OMG. Me too" and "I thought that if I said your name out loud a thousand times before 'We Break The Dawn' ended on the radio that we would be friends and now it came true" and "That's how I chose my husband" and "You have amazing taste" and "I can tell you're not lying." They talk about how Jenny's a "fashion" "designer" who is "wearing" currently one of her own "pieces" even though it's not white. And speaking of bone, I think I can see one where Laurel's digging her nails into her hand.

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Gossip Girl

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