Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I Don't Want To Get Over You

Anyway, it's not super interesting. He mugs with this random girl A, and totally acts like a player until she gives him her number and leaves, and then Jay finishes up and explains that Dan is his intern or something, and this was a reading from Dan's -- of course -- favorite chapter of the book, but Dan didn't even notice because he is a little shit, and there's this short story that Dan has not yet written that Noah Shapiro, who has apparently left Paul Hastings to become an editor at the Paris Review, is just dying to read (and in case you need reminding, at this point in the farce: Dan is a teenaged child), but Dan sucks and so Jay tells him to go fucking write a short story already and take this laughably science fiction-level implausible opportunity by the horns -- which Dan won't, because he sucks. Instead Dan macks on some other random girl and then walks out feeling both studly and gross. "Well well well, Lonelyboy. Maybe dating and dumping Serena wasn't such a bad idea. Looks like it's time to give you a new nickname. How about Playboy?" When Gossip Girl is on, she's on. And you know I XO her. But when she's got nothing, girl's got nothing.

Eleanor Waldorf Designs & Sweatshop, where everybody is running around like chickens except for Jenny Humphrey, who is dressed semi-cute. Awesome Assistant Laurel, maybe it's the close-ups but I think she's aged about five years since last season, is being very high-strung. "People, people, I'm worried. Eleanor returns next week, and we are still behind. Now since I have to go to that party this weekend, I won't be around, and therefore, neither will you, so you better get twice as much work done today, or you will regret it." Laurel squeezes one assistant's face until it cracks, and then tosses the girl's puppet-limp body onto a small pile of floral-print discards. Another is wrapped in prosciutto and fed to the dogs.

Jenny takes a garment off her sweatshop sewing machine and makes a face like she's about to beg for coal to take home to Tiny Tim: "As for Little J, looks like this summer has been all work and no play." Laurel is just completely dismissive and doesn't believe she's actually finished the day's piecework, and she's like, "Don't you have a life?" Jenny's all, "No, my gay boyfriend outed my other gay boyfriend and then my weird-faced friends dumped me for my fake dating of gays, so now all I do is come here and sweat blood, and then go home and sit quietly without eating. Also, I made a hideous dress, look." Laurel slaps her pretty little face and some other hollow-eyed (And familiar-looking! Who is she?) girl is like, "I was an intern once, too. It gets better."

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Gossip Girl

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