Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
I Don't Want To Get Over You

Chuck is looking ... quite presentable when Serena enters for a bit of role-reversal, and catches him checking himself out in the mirror. "This is the first time I've seen you look in the mirror all summer. Here I thought if you did, you'd turn to stone. You must be pretty nervous about something if you're willing to take that risk." To be honest, I don't even know what she means. I guess he hasn't looked in the mirror because he's been having improbable sex, but the turning-to-stone thing, I don't get. Is Harry Hamlin involved? "Ha ha, sis. I'm on my way out to Lily Pond. With the triplets returning to Rio, I thought I'd continue my tour of South America. I'm thinking Argentina." I mean, he looks great. His hair is all dorky-cool and it's like he's impersonating somebody from the future impersonating somebody from that movie Pleasantville. Which is, incidentally, my favorite look of all time, which is in turn reason number like twelve that Mad Men, or what we call "Gossip Girl For Grownups," is total porn.

"Then what are the flowers for?" Chuck's face gets scared, and you know that is a lot of face to be all one thing at once. "You wouldn't perhaps have overheard a recent phone call with a certain best friend of mine? Who mentioned she's on her way out here on the jitney?" Chuck's ironic answer is perfect; perfectly Chuck, perfectly Gossip Girl, and perfectly hilarious: "...What's a jitney?" Serena says great, because he hasn't got a chance in hell after the way Chuck deserted Blair at the helipad. (And I mean, the fact she went from choppers to shuttle busses says it all, doesn't it?) Chuck says if she's getting her info from her "boyfriend Nate," she can shut it, because who wants relationship advice from somebody in a fake relationship anyway. And man, if he's exhausted by the fake relationships now, wait until the end of the episode. (And on that note, where the hell is Lily?) He takes the flowers and wishes her a good evening alone with her thoughts. She smiles that above-it smile she always gets with him, which I love, and tells him in turn to enjoy his suicide mission.

"Spotted: Chuck Bass, waiting for the jitney. A dozen roses in one hand, his heart in the other," and a scrumptious salmon suit pulling everything together. Blair steps off the bus and looks at him with a huge smile, but not like you think. That Waldorf pride shines in the back of it. "You know what they say: a man is a good thing to come home for, but an even better thing to come home with." A tall hottie gets off the bus and kisses Blair soundly; she flashes her eyes at Chuck and he skulks off, and she makes that face she always makes. Like how there are things she doesn't like doing, and hurt her, but these are things that are more important, so she has to do these things no matter how much it hurts you, and her. Except for how, you know, she doesn't: this whole obsession with her own reputation and virtue and power of will and invulnerable -- all the things that make her awesome -- are also what she trips on, every time. He embarrassed her, and for Blair, that's even closer to the foundation stones than love, or else she could get over it. If an irresistible force met an immovable object, the resulting thing would rule the school and wear cute headbands, but it would also fuck up its life a lot of the time. Or, as Gossip Girl says: "Ain't karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is."

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Gossip Girl




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