"Have him call me when he wakes up." It's Dan: that's nevernever o'clock. "Hey, you know, you haven't told me how the dress went over." Seriously? He's calling from the ... Okay, well, I can see that being all Jenny has talked about, so it's only polite. Rufus tells her to wear the Bone-Colored Monstrosity herself, if she can somehow scale it down from its circus-tent current size, and Jenny says that while it's "nice," not to say condescending, that Rufus is so encouraging toward his children while doing everything he can to be in a different part of the country from them for as long as possible, but that as usual his cluelessness has outstretched his desultory interest in their lives. "The White Party's, like, super exclusive. I mean, summer interns do not get to go. Last year, they even turned away Jack Johnson." Wait, so my house is super exclusive?
"Sounds like a party with taste," Rufus says, and I hate him so much that he just spontaneously made me a Jack Johnson fan, and it's because of shit like this: "Also sounds like the kind of party the van der Woodsens would go to. Have you asked Eric about it?" At least Jenny has the class to point out what a transparent, shitty maneuver that would be (not that she's not going to immediately do just that when she gets off the phone): "Yeah, that might be a little awkward, considering the last conversation we had. I sort of said some things I shouldn't have." On reflection, Jenny thinks, maybe the whole internship thing was a mistake, and she should have gone on hard-rockin' tour with Rufus after all: "Eleanor's been in Paris like, the entire time, and Laurel's been so worried about everything. What if it was a waste?" Rufus is like, I know that you, my teenage daughter, could drink me under the table in front of Better Than Ezra because I am a pantywaist, and thus it was not to be: "It's not a waste if there's time to change it. Maybe you should start with Eric and then go from there."
I hope Eric slaps her silly. I really do. It's not charitable, but what, you're going to fuck up the Skittles Jenny Humphrey's got rattling around in there? So Jenny's like, "Word, Dad. Thanks for telling me the stupidest possible thing I can do, which is call up a perfectly sensible person, whose life I very carefully and deliberately shit on -- immediately after he admitted having just been released from the booby hatch for a suicide attempt -- and then, without even a token attempt at reconciliation, I will ask him for a favor which benefits only me. And father, I will do this thing. I will do it because I am a fool, and because I am a jerk, but most of all: because I am a Humphrey."