Julian runs off to grab his purse and Blair cannonballs right into the middle of shit to yell at Vanessa about the Lord Marcus thing, and Vanessa's like, "Blair, I don't know what you're talking about. And Serena, I really don't." Because integrity and Vanessa are pretty much synonymous, on those days when she's not breaking into your house or stealing your stuff. Blair yells at S, "What are you doing with her? We hate her!" Heh. Serena explains that Vanessa is her friend -- which makes Vanessa much easier to take just hearing her say that -- and tells B to pull it together. Vanessa's like, "Surprisingly, Blair Waldorf is acting insane" and walks off laughing. B threatens Serena with "collateral damage" for choosing the wrong side in this imaginary war that just started with V, and S laughs at her and wanders away too. Ouch. Blair shivers as the crazy inside her gives birth to a whole other crazy like a Russian doll of insanity, and then goes off to plot more dooms.

You don't know what that's like, to realize you're a terrible actor. I'm the seagull...

Elle ... whatever, she's been taking whore baths in bathrooms and now has taken one in Chuck's shower and then they drink tea and she pulls a whole wounded bird routine and Chuck is like, "Let's move to Brazil together" and they fuck. I would submit to you that this story isn't actually out of left field, because the last thing that happened with B was that he was like, "I give, you win," and B told him to suck it, so obviously now he's got a working heart and a love of hookers who don't talk back. So he's trying to unite the opposites by being in love with her, i.e., she's vulnerable and in trouble so she's got all the virgin/whore things happening at once, which is all he or anybody wants in a girl anyway.

He was totally dramatically obsessively in love with her before he ever saw her face, remember: she makes the pieces fit for him by being a blank slate without a consistent personality or persona, because that means he can take the entire anima of himself and stow it there without worrying that it's going to bite him on the ass later, because she doesn't exist anyway. Which Elle knows, because we all learn this eventually. Especially prostitutes. Being May Welland is to prostitution as Microsoft Office is to administrative assistance.