Vanessa laughs about how Nate stood her up before the show, and he's like, "Whatevs!" But before she can ask what this latest mood swing is about, Julian shows up to yell at him with his hand on his heart about how -- get this shit right here -- his character "went bankrupt, suffered total public humiliation, not that you would understand that. The characters in this play are smoldering tempests of emotion!" Even Nate's reflexes are fast enough to dodge that anvil, for the time being, and he ditches them, waving a hand at Julian and claiming he's off to work on his smoldering tempest of emotion. I know I always say that Nate is my favorite, but I do especially love how Chace Crawford has learned to act. I'm so proud of him. I'm glad they're letting Nate be a person these days. V points out that nobody talks to Nate like that, because it's like sticking a beautiful butterfly in a Chi iron and why would a person do that, and Julian shrugs: "Directors push buttons to get performances." By which he means, "Because I am running out of options to fuck this kid and my internship is almost over, so I thought I'd try abuse." In real life it would work, Nate's overwhelming hurricane of masculinity notwithstanding. Meanwhile onstage, the pivotal carriage scene is getting hella complicated. Let's do it like we do things sometimes.
Ellen: What a pretty carriage.
Blair: Elbows the shit out of him as an opening shot
Newland: Every time I see you, you... Happen to me all over again.
Irony: "Ellen, you might be the most honest woman I've ever met."
Dan, sub rosa: What the hell are you doing?
Newland: Oh no, but one of the least fussy...
Blair: You're trying to ruin my life...
Dan: You're insane!
Newland: You must know that this can't last...
Ellen: What can't?
Newland: Our being together... And not being together.
Rachel: Weeping tears of pedophiliac joy in the audience rather than being creeped out
Blair: Don't try to gaslight me, Humphrey. I know you're just seeking revenge because I ruined your chances with the simpy Iowa teacher...
Dan: And incredible as it may seem, not everyone spends their lives trying to plot revenge.
Ellen: You ought not to have come today.
Newland: I look forward to seeing you. Every thought is burnt up in a great flame.
Blair: Turns a chaste and repressed kiss into a full-on mack and climbs on top of him so she can bitch at him away from the audience; also, why do their body mics stop working only when they're being themselves?
Blair: Someone is out to get me, and all signs point to you.
Doppelqueller: Confused and mortified