Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Candle & The Mirror

Anyway, Serena's flipping out about this, and it's time to go to the show, and then meanwhile Chuck is handing Elle over to Carter so that he can get her a fake passport for Brazil, but then just as you're lightly drowsing Carter rolls down the limo window, exposes his Brotherhood tattoo on his wrist, twirls a mustache and disappears with the loot that is a girl. Because what this storyline needs is a little randomness, to break up the everyday nonsensical commonplace nutsoid nature of it.

Blair, getting dressed by Dorota, teabags you again with the parallels between herself and Olenska, so that you don't notice her next line: "You're right. I'm an actress. No... I'm a seagull!" Which is key to her upcoming storylines in every way, so you also have to be distracted on the other side of it by Serena clomp-clomping in yelling, "No, you're a shameless bitch!" Blair literally goes, "Now what?" And Serena lists her sins ("Spreading rumors about who I've had sex with! What alley I puked in! Telling Dean Berube that I killed Pete Fairman!") and how she forgave all because somewhere inside the Blair Waldorf matryoshka is a person, but the Yale press release thing... And yeah, I mean, it's about as harsh as inviting somebody to the opera an hour late, but on the other hand this whole episode is just a sequence of events where people tell Blair that her whole entire ego is built on bullshit -- her shit's not bountiful, nobody's jealous of her, her future is not assured -- over and over, right. And it cracks her down the middle.

I started getting petty, depressed, my acting was emptier and emptier...

But the press release issue is the equivalent for Serena, which is to say that it's all fine and good to be the Pretty One or the It Girl, as long as nobody looks you in the eye and says that's all you are, because then you're a seagull in a doll's house. And that's not all Serena is, but if she had a fear that's what it would be: empty slutty rich pretty bitch. That acting like you have a soul is just that: acting. And I've always said her strength is letting that ride, but the thing that makes you awesome is the thing that makes you suck, and admitting the possibility means that in every iteration of her relationship with Dan, where he basically did that, is now verified by an outside source -- so much the worse since it's Gossip Girl. Which equals, Anonymous just did the meanest thing anybody's ever done to Serena, again, for no real reason.

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Gossip Girl




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