Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Candle & The Mirror

In a cute monochrome block-plaid fuzzy jacket, Chuck chases Elle through the lobby where -- unless I'm wrong -- she texted him to come. Maybe it was Carter? Who knows. More importantly who cares? He's still all about running away to Brazil anyway, even though this whole storyline turns out to be actual imaginary drama -- an elegant solution, actually: none of this mattered and all pivoted on the two verified facts that Elle is retarded and Chuck is a gigantic drama queen -- and she's like, "Get crucial. I needed money, you're a child, I fucked you for money, I'm a prostitute, that's what we, like, do." His crazy face gets crazy and she's like, "The UES EWS gave me a bunch of money and I've got my exit strategy planned out, alone." He's still kind of dumbstruck, so she sweetly suggests that he's got a good heart and should apply all this sweet care and worry to the woman he's actually in love with, who is in actual danger. Out of the mouths of whores.

But also, if we're talking about radical ego reconstruction -- Blair looking at the Ellen in the mirror, Serena seeing the downside of May -- then this is exactly what Chuck needed to get himself on track after the funeral. They took away the possibility of ever gaining his Dad's approval, and they took away the one human being that activates his heart, and he's been running on Chuck Fumes since then, just like with Lily and the whole Chuck/Charles/Charlie thing. So really, finding out that this whole "brotherhood of creeps" sex/power/grownup fantasy was about transitioning from Bart to Jack to now, and realizing that he's pretty much been transformed by the experience into something way cooler and way more vulnerable than he even understood... Introduce Carter as his Georgina, and you're really cooking. I'm so glad BSG is over, because now I don't have to feel funny about calling this the greatest show on TV. Plus, how funny would it be if she got gunned down right outside that hotel and neither Chuck nor we were ever the wiser?

Dan pulls Rachel behind the carriage and yells at her about being the Anonymous bitch, and she's not backing down: "Blair spread false rumors, blackmailed the school, turned my job into a sham. With no repercussions!" Which is not really the lesson here, because your behavior and your vengeance are still your problem. And also, Rachel suffered no repercussions either. Dan realizes that she's just like Blair, but worse, because at least Blair is in high school and has about six personality disorders, whereas Rachel is just basically disgusting.

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Gossip Girl




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