Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Candle & The Mirror

"In life, as in art, some endings are bittersweet. Especially when it comes to love." Jenny enters, wearing some awesome painted-on skinny jeans with extra cameltoe tucked into boots, and presents him with a letter Rachel left outside the apartment. It is a remarkably pretentious work of queeritude:

Dan, I am going back to Iowa, as you must have known. I am sorry for everything. As Edith Wharton wrote, "There is no one as kind as you, no one who gave me reasons I understood for doing what at first seemed so hard."

Thank you.

R.

Oh, BARF. "Sometimes fate throws two lovers together, only to rip them apart..." GG says around the rising bile, as Dan thinks pensive thoughts about what the fuck any of that had to do with anything. If I ever got a letter like that I would kick a baby in the park and then go blow ten truckers, just to get the taste out of my mouth.

Chuck enters the Waldorf house, where Dorota in her pink fluffy robe and bunny slippers is like an Eastern European unicorn. When she says Blair's out -- omitting the part where she's out turning into Chuck Bass -- Chuck says he'll wait. She is moved. "Sometimes the hero finally makes the right choice but the timing is all wrong..."

Remember that seagull you shot? A man comes along, sees her, and destroys her life because he has nothing better to do...

"And as they say, timing is everything" Carter enters behind sad, sad Blair and sits, and she's barely able to render a proper look of derision at him. Plus, he is a very sexy hobbit, and that will get you no matter what but especially if you are the self-loathing type slowly turning into Chuck Bass, and he calls her beautiful. He just sees another girl to take from Chuck, but it won't stay that way. She's better than that, and he knows it. "Carter. What are you doing here?" she says, with a sexy nasty smile. He's also pretty sad, it seems, or just tired from the fact that he flew here from Thailand and immediately got roped into a Byzantine and imaginary storyline about sex clubs and probably hasn't even slept, and offers to buy her a drink. He puts his hand on her knee and she searches his face for that sign that he's as broken as she is, finds it, smiles.

I'm the seagull ... No, that's not it. I'm an actress. That's it.

XOXO.

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Gossip Girl

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