Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Candle & The Mirror

Elle pretends her name is Hayley and that she doesn't know Chuck at all, which is so ballsy to do with somebody you actually know, and yet in my experience always works. I guess because it's so random and fucked up people think you would never do it. Elle beats it out the back window while Chuck and Carter compare penises, and Carter says he just got back from Singapore, whence he had to leave in a hurry and come back to America, where he immediately "rolled into" what I'm told is a characteristic destination for Carters, Apoth├ęke, and met whatever her name is. He's pretty high on himself until the maitre d' comes back all, "Your chick just ditched." Poor Carter! I would hate to be shown up like that. In front of Chuck, of all people! But instead of being like, "I guess something fishy is going on and she's having some kind of crisis like you said," he just tosses money down and disappears embarrassedly. Like there's no causal connection between Chuck showing up and her going, "I have to get out of here the back way." And a few tables away, Mr. Campbell quietly vanishes too. Chuck's face is so intense at all times that I don't even really know what he's thinking about that, honestly.

Dan's still freaking out about the Mean Girling from the other teachers, and Costumer Jenny dumbly agrees to take a note to Rachel in the audience, where she's sitting all alone in the pedo section. Jenny does this in the most obvious way possible, fiddling with a scarf and admiring Rachel's bracelet and then gabbing at the Stage Manager -- a strange tense girl we don't know -- long enough for Rachel to send back a reply... And a key to her house. Which she just happened to have in her purse in case there were any gross teenage boys around to prey on.

Doppelqueller's doing a walk-and-talk with a random when Blair smacks into her atmosphere with a bang and climbs right up her fake ass about Nelly Yuki, and Queller's like, "My bad, I was just talking to this random girl instead of telling you about this, even though I'm well aware that you're going to have a psychotic break about it because that's all you ever do, but yeah: you're not getting into Yale." B's like, "Fuck you because yes I am, this has already happened eleven times in every single episode and I keep fixing it and my Daddy took away my puppy," and Queller explains that Yale... Sigh, it's a lot of verbiage but basically, Yale didn't mind that she was suspended from school and then let back in five seconds later -- because why would they -- but an Anonymous totally called them up and let the cat out of the bag about why she was suspended. Which totally blew Yale's mind, because they've never heard of anything so vicious, so cruel, so outright evil-minded and downright disgusting as somebody inviting someone to the opera an hour late.

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Gossip Girl




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