Lola: "Oh my God, Nate Archibald. We keep meeting like this! By coincidence!"
Nate: "Not this time. Lily called me."
Lola: "That old lady has taken an unhealthy interest in my sex life."
Nate: "That is my entire storyline, usually."
Lola: "So about the mom lie. I lied to her because she is a bitch."
Nate: "My mom's a bitch too. Depending on the episode. Sometimes she's just a boozed-up neurasthenic."
Lola: "My crazy family! She thinks I'm at Michigan State. That's the doom shit she was hinting at with Peepers that time."
Nate: "My cousin tried to have me killed. It resulted in a miscarriage, and my friend lost her mind and still hasn't recovered. It's just snakes and blown-out speaker buzz in there now. But that's nothing compared to Michigan State."
Lola: "I'm not sure I want to be a rich person anymore."
Nate: "That's too bad, because I think my internet blogazine media thing is really going to take off."
FRENCH LEGATION? CHEZ WALDORF?
Eleanor: "Prince Louis! Where is your mother!"
Louis, smug: "[Responds in the negative.]"
Eleanor: "Well, you tell her that I figured out where Blair is, and she can go fuck herself. I don't care if I'm going to the poorhouse. Nobody controls us."
Louis, smug: Smugs.
Blair, appearing: "Actually, the Royal Family of Monaco controls us."
Eleanor: "But wait, why?"
Blair: "I am going to be married to Louis for the next year. I decided."
Eleanor: "That's not an answer to the question."
Blair: "There is no answer to the question. I am doing a ludicrous, seemingly self-sacrificing thing for literally no reason, despite having numerous, easily accomplished, clearly marked options for how to solve the problem."
Dan: "And I'm helping!"
Blair and Louis get in their limo and leave in front of a bunch of paparazzi; Blair has the gall to pretend that any of this isn't exactly what she wanted from the jump.
GOSSIP GIRL HQ