Gossip Girl
The Backup Dan

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Runaway Snide

CHEZ WALDORF

Serena: "Maybe Blair is in this closet!"
Chuck: "I doubt that, but you do know her pretty well..."
Serena: "Well, she wasn't under the chesterfield, and I already checked the top of the fridge."

Dorota: "Mr. Chuck! I get bamboozled! Somehow! By skinny little person, off-camera. And Prince Louis call me to say he lock Blair up in high tower with yellow wallpaper..."
Chuck: "-- Whatever. Just give us the smallest amount of words necessary to continue this charade of a wild goose chase."
Dorota: "Elizabeth Taylor..."
Serena: "-- Blast it! She's going to the Dominican Republic to have a divorce degree judgment that will then be authenticated by a consular officer at the US embassy!"

Dorota & Chuck: "...Huh."
Serena: "Sometimes I can do that."

EVIL

Georgina: "Follow that car Serena and Chuck are taking to the airport, where Blair still is not! And thence to the hotel, while I upload this information to the website Gossip Girl!"

Grimaldis, verbatim: "Looks like we succeeded in finding Blair by using the press. Photos of her with the airport are surfacing all over the Internet! And yet it is Gossip Girl that is going to tell us where she actually is."

HOTEL

Blair: "I think the desk clerk recognized me!"
Dan: "Yeah, you were being a bitch to him, so that could explain the look in his eyes."
Blair: "I was going to be a princess! And instead now I'm in this hotel with your scummy ass!"
Dan: "Blair, please stop being mean to me."
Blair: "No! Thank you for nothing!"
Dan: "I'm going to ask you one more time to chill. Even though I like nothing less than being with an unstable girl, prodding her into extreme heights of insecurity and drama, so I can feel like the hero."
Blair: "My wedding is ruined!"
Dan: "Feel this chemistry! It is electric!"
Blair: "Get out!"

It's all very snappy and Hepburn/Bogart.

Blair: "Why are you yelling at me on my big day?"
Dan: "Uh, when my book was released you ripped into my asshole for no reason and then didn't even read the book."
Blair: "Oh, I read the book. You gross masturbator."
Dan: "I don't feel like you are a very good friend."
Blair: "Well look who just fuckin' showed up to that conversation."
Dan: "I'm going to go. It's become even more unrealistic than usual that anyone could possibly care about you in any way."
Blair: "Good! Thanks for all your help this whole time, you unmitigated pussy!"

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