Gossip Girl
The Backup Dan

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Runaway Snide

Airplane Lady: "Let me see if I can find a random flight to the Dominican Republic, hang on."
Blair: "What is the holdup, Humphrey? People are starting to stare at me. Probably I'm standing here in a giant wedding dress with my hair looking drowned. Pretty soon somebody is going to take note!"
Dan: "Okay, the lady is just getting you a ticket. Stop yelling at me."
Blair: "You don't understand! The Grimaldis will pull strings in the DR to keep me from getting a divorce!"
Dan: "And yet the lady is getting you a ticket, so stop yelling at me."
Gawkers: "Is that Princess Blair? Damn, her hair looks drowned."
Blair: "IT BEGINS!"

Blair: "Little girl, I'm going to be a bitch to you until you trade clothes with me."
Girl: "Uh, that doesn't sound fun at all. Hey, aren't you the recently married Princess of Monaco? That would explain the dress and how you're Blair Waldorf, a local celebrity that is constantly on Gossip Girl."
Blair & Dan: "Unconvincingly enough, no."
Girl: "On closer inspection, no. Blair Waldorf's hair has bounce and volume. And the Prince is about ten times hotter than this guy, who is also a local celebrity and yet I don't recognize him."
Dan: "Hey!"
Girl: "Uh, then get a haircut. You look like Oscar Wilde's houseboy."
Blair: "Fuck you, you poor piece of trash. Now, about that favor I asked you..."

Blair: "...So that went well."
Dan: "God, Blair. And it was such a good plan, too."
Blair: "I am not insulted, whatever she may say. Now give me your credit card."
Dan: "No questions asked."
Blair: "They do extend credit to people from Brooklyn, right?"
Dan: "Keep it coming, Waldorf. The thing I most hated about Serena was the way she treated people like a normal human being."

Dan, alone for a moment, takes a call from Serena in a hilariously fake-calm fashion. It is one of the best moments of the entire episode.

Dan: "Oh hey Serena, whazzup? No big deal, just chilling. What do you want?"
Serena: "Dan, I'm SO SORRY I disappeared from that reception, leaving you all alone without me, the love of your life. I have prepared a lie to tell you about why, rather than telling you the truth, for some reason..."
Dan: "--I didn't notice that you were gone, because I don't care. But since you're not at the reception, I'm also going to lie for no reason and say I'm there. Oh, and Blair left. But absolutely not with me."
Serena: "Let's keep lying to each other for no reason as long as it takes Blair to max out your credit card."

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