Gossip Girl
The Backup Dan

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Runaway Snide

Dan: "Listen, don't even bother coming back to the reception. I don't give a shit about you, so there's really no reason."
Serena: "Okay, I guess. But hey, remember how I told you I was in love with you?"
Dan: "Are you looking for Blair or not?"
Serena: "Hint, I'm not great at worrying about other people. So as long as you're on the phone, could you give me an answer?"
Dan: "No, I have to pee."

Literally. And then he just hangs the hell up.


Serena: "Well, I just talked to Dan. And you guys, he will not give me an answer on..."
Everybody: "-- Focus, Serena. Where is Blair?"
Serena: "I think she left with Louis? He said?"
Georgina: "He is lying. He is a liar. We already know this."
Serena: "I thought this whole Finding Blair thing was going to be more fun, but so far it seems to be way more about Blair than about me."


Cleverly, Blair has disguised herself in an I ♥ NY shirt and hoodie as protective coloration, as real New Yorkers are trained by life to overlook those people entirely.

Dan: "We are learning so much about airports that we didn't know previously, like what a passport is or how I can't get a ticket for you because I am not you. So now you actually have to approach the ticket desk and take care of your own business like this one time."
Blair: "It does seem remarkably dumb that an episode entirely about you 'helping' me seems to mostly involve you talking to people on my behalf while I'm simply standing there like an idiot."
Airplane Lady: "So yeah, just show me your passport, which people have been using to travel between countries since World War I."
Dan & Blair: "...What now? We don't know what one of those is."

Airplane Lady: "Okay, well, then you can't get on the plane. It's really quite simple."
Blair: "What about this newspaper that has my face on it? Will that serve as legal identification?"
Airplane Lady: "Maybe, as long as nobody questions the legality of it."
Girl From Before: "She's not the real Blair Waldorf!"
Airplane Lady: "Oh, and you were so close to getting on that airplane."
Girl From Before: "And look at Dan Humphrey's horrible hair and gaunt form!"
Dan: "It is not my fault that I have become a pube-headed Jack Skellington. It is Jeff Buckley's fault for dying."

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Gossip Girl




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