Gossip Girl
The Backup Dan

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Runaway Snide

Blair: "I have nearly killed our one remaining phone in calling Dorota."
Dan: "Okay, well while you were doing that I told Rufus everything."
Blair: "That motherfucker? Are you insane? Rufus ruins EVERYTHING."
Dan: "I am my father's son."
Blair, verbatim: "I'm sure he's already told my mother, which means everyone will instantly know that she knows. She refuses to get Botox. Her face is an emoticon!"

Dan: "Look, I still don't understand the urgency here. And every time you try to explain it, what comes out is just one long shriek."
Blair: "You know what they did to Charlene Wittstock when she tried to run -- and she was an Olympian."
Dan: "You're kind of awesome in this episode. It's like you've have a head injury since Paris, with just these occasional jaunts out into clever lucidity."
Blair: "Won't last. Never does."


Georgina: "Hey, Dorota. I see you're packing a bag with Blair's clothes and passport?"
Dorota: "Hey, Georgie. I see you got all the way into a back bedroom without security noticing. Again."
Georgina: "Anyway, I'm going to lock you in a closet. Which actually is kind of fair, because of that time your husband abducted me and left me in Russia."
Dorota: "When you put it like that, you're not even that especially psychotic compared to the rest of us."
Georgina: "Plenty of people often seem to enjoy the idea of Georgina Sparks, even without me ever actually doing anything interesting."


Sophie: "Still no word from Blair?"
Eleanor: "No, huh-uh, because like I already told you, she has no reason to call me. I'm sure they're in an airplane to Bali by now."
Sophie: "LIAR!"
Eleanor: "...Bitch, what now?"
Sophie: "Prince Louis has been sitting impotently in a limo downstairs this whole episode! He is not an airplane with Blair! And if you don't find her, I will make you pay her dowry!"
Eleanor: "What an antiquated notion."
Sophie: "No, just an antiquated appellation. What I mean is, remember the prenup?"
Eleanor: "Why would I have read that? Or either of my lawyer husbands? Even though there was an entire goddamn episode where we all read it, I mean."

Lily: "Hoo! It took that long to take off my shoes!"
Everybody: "Wow, we honestly thought you were done for the episode."
Lily: "Nope, just drunkenly removing scuff marks from the Loeffler Randalls I decided I needed to wear. In my own home. In the middle of the night. After a wedding."
Rufus: "Cool, while you were doing that I called the caterer and requested a special delivery of centerpieces in the middle of the night from somebody else's wedding and they said Right away, stranger unrelated to this expensive wedding -- which struck me as unlikely, too -- but anyway nobody can leave. Until the flower arrangements arrive here. In the middle of the night."

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Gossip Girl




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