Nate: "Explain to me how paternalistically manipulating Blair into acting insane, with the help of her closest confidant, only to make her feel like a crazy pregnant teenage whore with no options, was a good thing."
Chuck: [Tries.]

Diana: "Nate, let's talk about how we're dating or whatever we constantly are talking about."

SPECTATOR?

GG, awesomely: "Lock your windows, Upper East Siders. Looks like Serena's cuckoo Cousin Charlie is off her meds again and about to jump to her own conclusion..."

God, I miss the Cousin Peepers version of Cousin Charlie. Turns out she wasn't just interesting by comparison to Raina Thorpe. She was legitimately interesting. Oh, and the other thing I was thinking about: Remember last finale, how Georgina was going to purchase Ivy's soul and weaponize her? Do you think that was the original seed for this whole Diana Payne thing? Looked at that way, I feel more kindly toward everything.

Serena: "Charlie! Gossip Girl was so mean to you! It makes me stomp."
Ivy: "It just makes me feel sad and small."
Serena: "Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!"

EMPIRE

Diana, verbatim: "Nate, you matter to me. A lot! I was just trying to be cool. You know, that's my thing."

Yep. Totally cool. That's what I think of when I think of Diana Payne, the total coolness.

Diane: "From now on, [same thing same thing same thing always]."

Serena calls her and tells her that she has had it with Gossip Girl, so once again she is willing to blog. For what's right and decent and America, she will let Diana's readership into the scandalous life of Manhattan's blandest possible elite person. Or, to finally stretch beyond all sense and give the show that benefit of the doubt people have been accusing me of since the show started:

Linus: "So, your little poem. What does it mean?"
Sabrina: "It's the story of a water sprite who saved a virgin from a fate worse than death."
Linus: "And Sabrina's the virgin."
Sabrina: "Sabrina's the savior."

INSIDE

Diana: "Everything's set. You should never have doubted me."
William Vanderbilt: "You've done a fine job rehabilitating my grandson's image."

As what, a cougar-fucking boy-whore? I hate to break it to you guys.

Anyway, both Nate and Serena are exactly where Grandpa and Hurley-Burley want them to be, apparently. How funny if Diana's snowing him too and at the end of the season she'll just be like, "Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing most of the time. I was crazy high and people just kept paying me to do weird shit. Ride of a lifetime, losers. Peace."