Diana: "Nate Archibald's Cougar & Her Cub In Pride War? Are you purposely trying to make a fool of me?"
Ivy: "Nobody has to 'purposely' do that. You act like you're working a boat show. In every scene. You have no agenda we can understand, you're obsessed with multiple teenagers, you are the worst boss of all time, your business model makes no sense and Serena has you fooled into thinking she can read. Your sole employees are two of the most ineffective, incompetent teenage hustlers ever captured on film, and our only duties seem to be pressing 'publish' on WordPress and delivering a constant flood of giftbags. You fired everybody in your entire office to fuck a child, and then threatened to drop a nuclear bomb on Manhattan's scandalous fourth estate. You are a running a newspaper that is really a magazine which is seems to actually just be an app. For which there is no demand whatsoever."
Diana: "I do think it seems a tad convenient that the only way to [avoid Max] was to snog Nate."
Ivy: "Oh, are you British? I couldn't tell."
Diana: "I'm putting a stop to this flirting and dating between you two."
Ivy: "Fine, whatever. We're not flirting. Or dating. You are a madwoman. How you gonna break up our fake dating relationship, pray tell?"
Diana: "You're gonna ask him out on a date."
Ivy: "...The fuck? You are the dumbest idea this show's had since Milo."
Chuck: "They're voting on Gossip Girl, and apparently it's feminism that they want you to pick Elizabeth Hurley over Ivy."
Nate: "I don't want to pick anybody. I want to just not make decisions or think thoughts."
Chuck: "Let's talk about me now. Have you heard of Sleep No More?"
Nate: "Yeah. Shakespeare's so boring and hard to understand. I need them to dress it up in a lot of pretentious dramaturgy and make it into a haunted house so I have stuff to look at while they flap their Elizabethan gums and then vaguely feel like I've had a cultural experience."
Chuck: "People like you are why 3-D is a thing."
Nate: "Hey, whatever's good enough for Pink is good enough for me."
Chuck: "...And whatever's good enough for this show is good enough for the characters on this show. I'm throwing a benefit for duckpond refugees tonight, and all our idiot illiterate friends are going to the haunted house, so you should come."
Nate: "Ivy just invited me to this while you were saying that. That's just how this show works now."